Man, Post Malone Is Definitely Cursed

A run-in with the "dybbuk box" is so far the only sensible explanation for his bizarre run of near-death experiences.

Gold-toothed pop-rapper Post Malone has spent the past few weeks dodging Death. Late last month, he was aboard a London-bound Gulfstream IV jet that was forced into an emergency landing after two of its tires blew on take-off. Days later, he and his Rolls Royce were involved a scary-sounding two-car wreck in California; "god must hate me lol," he wrote on Twitter after walking away unharmed, barely knowing the half of it. Just a few days on from that, news spread that armed robbers had stormed into Post's old home, assuming that he still lived there, demanding that he show himself. Newspapers and blogs came to the same conclusion—Post Malone was being Final Destination-ed.


Now things have grown stranger. Ellipsis-loving gossip site TMZ released a video yesterday showing Post, beer in hand, hanging out with Ghost Adventures host Zak Bagans at Bagans's own Haunted Museum in Las Vegas. The video, he explained to TMZ, shows he and Post messing around with the dybbuk box, considered (by TMZ at least) to be "the world's most haunted object." In the very intentionally grainy video, you can see Bagans holding the box, taunting Post a little, then fleeing the room in a bit of a panic. On the way out, Post touches his shoulder—an act that Bagans says would be enough for an evil spirit to pass over to Post.

There shouldn't be much to this. Bagans approached TMZ with a silly video; Sunday was a little slow news-wise; they ran the thing; ghosts don't exist; etc. But the odds on an emergency landing, a car crash, and a poorly-planned armed robbery all happening within one person's orbit in the space of just three weeks are miniscule. The dybbuk box—the inspiration for the horror movie The Possession and an item I wish that I hadn't just spent an entire 25 minutes reading about—might not be the cause of Post Malone's near-death experiences. But until someone provides me with a more rational explanation, I'm going to assume that a malevolent spirit is trying to destroy him.

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