You know the bit in The Omen when the monkeys jump on the car in the safari park? That’s what the good citizens of Delhi have to live with every single fucking day. The city is experiencing a plague of 20,000 Rhesus monkeys swarming around a city of 1,483 sq km (allowing for about 13 monkeys per square kilometre at all times) stealing, mugging pedestrians, and rampaging through government buildings. In October last year they threw the deputy mayor off his balcony and killed him. The whole situation is totally bananas, so we called up our boy in Delhi and asked him what the hell was going on.

Vice: Did monkeys really kill your mayor? Cause that would be… bananas.
Anupam Choudhury: The mayor fell off the balcony while struggling with the monkeys. It was the fall that killed him, but the monkeys did attack him. They are a danger in places where they’ve more or less settled. The problem occurs when monkeys settle into a thickly populated area. There’s a struggle for food and space and then there is a natural clash. That’s when people get attacked. Luckily, few Delhiites travel on foot. The monkeys move around in large groups. They stick to areas where people feed them, like the Central Secretariat complex or the temples. These areas are overrun and are where the most attacks happen.

What is it like to be attacked?
It’s extremely frightening. I was 7 years old when it happened to me but I still have nightmares about it. My village was infested with monkeys, creating havoc. I made a catapult and aimed at the largest male of a group. That monkey must have been taller than me. It was around 30 metres away, I never thought that I would hit it, but I did. The monkey turned around and with just four to five leaps he was basically at me. I dropped my flip-flops and ran like hell into the house! My uncle had to come out with a big stick to shoo it away.

What do these monkeys get up to when they aren’t assassinating local dignitaries?
Well, in general they just eat, sleep, scratch, and pick lice from each other’s fur. The larger monkeys climb up and down trees and buildings looking for food.

Why doesn’t the government just kill them?
I’m sure many people think that is a good idea. But, to a large section of the population, devout Hindus, these monkeys are reincarnations of the monkey god Hanuman. Most people feed these monkeys because of that, even though it’s illegal. They are so sacred that you cannot even propose neutering them.

BRUNO BAYLEY