EXPLODING DILDO ALERT

In a scene straight out of a Saw themed porno that probably exists, a man in Minnesota has been arrested after giving his girlfriend a vibrator containing a bomb.

According to the police report, 37 year old Terry Allen Lester (pictured above) had been staying at the home of one of his THREE girlfriends (I can see why. Dayummmmm!) when her landlord said he had to move out. He did, but left behind an old dairy creamer container marked “Christmas Gifts”.

Inside the container were three vibrators. One for each girlfriend. The first was beige and still in it’s packaging (boring), the second was “pink with ‘Merry X-mas Bitch’ written in black ink” (hilarious), but the third is where this story gets amazing. From the police report: “He put gun powder, BB shot and buck shot from shotgun shells into the vibrator, along black and red wires that connected to a trigger with a battery port… He said that when he put the device into a female he would pull the trigger and blow them up.”. Holy. Shit.

Like any good criminal, Terry told several friends what he was planning, and one of them told the girlfriend who told police who told the bomb squad who dismantled the thing before he could get a chance to use it. And now he’s going to go to jail charged with felony counts of creating an explosive device and making terroristic threats.

Amazingly, neither the dildo murder plot or the dairy creamer container marked “Christmas Gifts” are the most depressing thing about this story:

“The bizarre plot has startled those who live in Waseca.

Lester has been a long-time customer at Lindner’s Liquor.

“I am in total shock. I could not believe it when I read it for sure. He has always been nice when he has come into the store,” Owner Tae Borne said.”

Yup. The only person in town they could get to comment on his character was somebody who worked at the local liquor store. Eugh.

(Via.)