PHOTOS: DANIEL BENSON
TEXT & STYLING: SAM VOULTERS
ASSISTANS: DANIELLA MAIORANO, CHARLOTTE GIBBS
MODELS: NED, DANIELLA, SAM, LISA, JAMIE, ZAINA

People have certain expectations when they spend $15 million and four years of their lives getting a degree. It’s understandable. What would be the point in going if you weren’t expecting to get a career out of it? But the good jobs are few and far between and competition for them is fiercer than ever. That’s why IF you get a job when you graduate, it will probably be shit. Especially if you studied one of these subjects.

PHILOSOPHY

Page Left: Vintage jacket, vest, shirt, trousers, shoes, tie, and socks from Beyond Retro, glasses from Specsavers. Page Right: UNIQLO tank top, vintage watch and jewelry, Carhartt underwear

Being a philosopher hasn’t been a real thing for hundreds of years, so it was a pretty unrealistic aspiration, wasn’t it? Get used to smoking yourself into a stupor and staying in your underwear all day long because your painfully high opinion of yourself since you graduated makes you pretty much unemployable.

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SPORTS SCIENCE

Lacoste polo shirt

It was difficult thinking exactly where sports science might lead. Best case, you’d get to touch attractive sportsmen. No need to think about that: 100 percent of sports science graduates end up as lesbian gym receptionists—even the men.

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PERFORMING ARTS

Vintage jacket, vintage shirt, Levi’s shorts, Vans shoes; Fly53 t-shirt, KR3W jeans, Nike shoes, G-shock watch

So you spent three years doing vocal exercises and improvisation and you can roll your r’s excellently. Surely the silver screen awaits! Or, you could try charity work. I mean, you have a very clear voice and the lines won’t be difficult for you to learn with all that practice.

FINE ART

Page Left: American Apparel dress, vintage shoes from Beyond Retro, vintage hat from Mint. Page Right: Vans t-shirt, Speedo swimsuit, vintage Lee jeans, vintage jewelry

“A picture is worth a thousand words” but is seldom worth a thousand dollars. With that in mind, look for work in a bar. NOBODY tips the painter.

Originally published on Vice Style.