Gaming

Here’s a Loose Story Recap of a Game in Which an Edge-Lord Attacks “Child Lovers” Over Happy Rap Music

No, you unfortunately read that headline correctly. There’s teenage angst, people being casually fed to dogs, and strangely joyful rap music.

waypoint-rap-music
Screenshot: YouTube/MandaloreGaming/Doucare

I’m so sorry in advance. If you’ve clicked on this article, I’m warning you: this will be fully unhinged. The name of the game? Anonymous Agony. If you want an elevator pitch this time, honestly? This Steam review says so much while barely even getting into half of the insanity. “I bought this game two years ago, thanks Mandalore for reminding me of this hilarious gem where the deathnote protagonist catfishes and [gets rid of child lovers — sorry, don’t wanna make Google upset].” Played over the most unfitting rap music imaginable.

Indeed, I too was exposed to the game through the noble sacrifice of MandaloreGaming. He streamed the entire game. And, man, it’s… something. The description on Steam tries its best to summarize everything. But that, too, is a woefully insufficient breakdown. “Anonymous Agony is an episodic story that follows the parallel stories of a teenage serial killer named Haze Stratos, and the child psychologist, Dr. James Samson. What connects them together, is Haze’s sister, Clara; a victim of sexual assault and Dr. Samson’s patient. You switch perspectives after every chapter (File), switching to a different character.”

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Haze is Shadow the Hedgehog, Sasuke Uchiha, and every other edgy “My life is so dark and tortured” character you can think of rolled into one. Every other word out of his mouth is a curse word. He has a startlingly low level of empathy for anyone who isn’t his sister. His little sister gets assaulted by a grown man and is promptly shuttled out of the story so we can see how pissed off Haze is about the tragedy. Oh, and the next image you’re about to see (minus the E for Edge graphic — 10/10 work, MandaloreGaming)? A legitimate loading screen in the game.

Here’s a Loose Story Recap of a Game in Which an Edge-Lord Attacks “Child Lovers” Over Happy Rap Music
Screenshot: YouTube/MandaloreGaming/Doucare

oh, right, the happy rap music I mentioned

You’d think a story featuring a burgeoning, overly edgy serial killer catfishing child predators so he can end their lives would carry a certain weight to it. You’re only talking about sexual assault, after all. Yet, you know what music plays as Haze is walking around town? If you had to guess one thousand songs, I guarantee you’d never — in your wildest dreams, in your most vivid nightmares — come close to the correct answer. Ready?

YEAH, YEAH. Don’t get me wrong; it’s a BOP. But, can you understand why it may be a little inappropriate to play what I can best describe as “triumphant rap music” while a teenager feeds child predators to a group of dogs hanging out in a graveyard? Also, Haze meets a bounty hunter in a subplot that doesn’t really go anywhere. Oh, and he encounters the worst therapist in the world. Who actively antagonizes Haze and gets thrown through his office window in response. TWICE.

Beyond the happy-ass rap music? Past Haze’s awful parents who are in the game for all of five minutes? The infamous, much beloved “SMOOTHIE TIME” scene. No, I won’t explain it. In summary: you can play Anonymous Agony for free on Steam. You can also watch MandaloreGaming’s stream. Whichever way you want it, I — for some ungodly reason — highly recommend watching/playing as much as you can before you lose your mind.