Hey Ron! – The State of My Union

Earlier this week when I was settling down to play some Black Ops, I happened to turn on the TV and realize Obama was talking. I said to myself, “OK, I’ll watch for a few minutes and I’ll change it.” Then I got really caught up in what he was saying. After all, the guy is one of the best speakers I’ve ever heard.

Before Obama I wasn’t big on watching the State of the Union. For me it was like some white guy trying to sell me the ship that we already came over on. But now that a black man is president, I wanted to hear what he had to say on behalf of all Americans.

He kept saying, “I want to do this, this, and this… but we are going to need congress to participate.” In other words, “I’ll make these changes, but if these people don’t get involved then it’s not going to happen.” He’s talking about white people, but not white people as individuals—he’s talking about congress, which is mostly made up of white people.

He also talked about new energy solutions—taking things to The Jetsons stage. I’m all for that, but I don’t think anyone in my tax bracket, or even anyone with a zero after what I make, is going to be able to afford it. In fact, when we get to that point I may be able to get my dream car—something like a Ferrari—because everyone is going to be driving something else. By this point it’ll be a gas car, and everything else is going to fueled by gas and water and farts, or whatever.

Obama also spoke about education, which is something I’m very interested in. My stepdaughter is going to Rutgers, and it costs $33,000 a year. She’s not even guaranteed a job! And that’s cheap. Some schools are $100,000 a year. That’s ridiculous for an education. At the same time, we have all of these people coming over from other countries and sucking up all the grants and loans, so that we can’t even send our own kids to college for a reasonable amount of money. I’m not saying that even illegal immigrants should be sent back—this is supposed to be a free country for everybody. But they shouldn’t be getting any free money! Indians are the best doctors, sure, but they get to practice on their own people before they come over here because they don’t have any good doctors over there. That’s enough of a head start. Don’t take all the free educational money, too.

Why are we letting these people come to our country and suck and bleed us dry. For what? The worst is some people come here and say, “I don’t even like it here.” Well, go back bitch! I couldn’t care less. I didn’t ask you to come.

Like Obama said when he gave the address: “We all complain about what we have and where we work, but you wouldn’t want to be working in any other country for any other government.” Well, maybe some place in Europe, but he’s still got a point.

I heard some people were upset that CNN broadcasted the speech of the Tea Party lady after Obama. Now, I don’t really drink my tea and I don’t follow these people because they’re a bit too over the edge for me. That said, it was a shame that Gabrielle Giffords got shot in the face, but I don’t think anyone instigates a nut with a gun. That’s why they are called nuts—they are crazy regardless. You do not need to give a crazy person a reason to kill. That person is probably getting messages from God, Buddha, and birds in the sky. They might say, “My dog got hungry and told me to do it.” It doesn’t matter. If you look hard enough for dirt under anyone’s fingernails, you’re going to find it. So stop pointing fingers and get to the point.

I’m not for the death penalty, but we are too lenient. I like what they do in other countries where your family has to support you while you’re in prison. If they don’t feed you, you don’t eat. That’s it. You want to see prison population cut down? Stop taking taxpayer money and giving these fucking guys cable television and a weight room.

We are too lenient. I think they should just be punished at least eight hours a day. Maybe you just get beat down for eight hours or they slam your fingers in the door for eight hours straight. I have family members who are correction officers. I’m pretty sure that if something happened to me, and that person went to Riker’s Island, they would get to see what’s up. “Oh, you want a pack of cigarettes? Here you go, but you see that guy over there? You gotta give him a real beat down. He messed with my cousin Ron.” If someone rapes someone, every day he should get his nuts kicked in, or worse yet, they should get penetrated with no KY. Straight raw-dog. I’m talking about stitches once a week.

RON HEMPHILL

Previously on Hey Ron!

WHAT’S UP WITH “THE MEDIA”?
STEREOTYPES ABOUT BLACKS
ROOMMATE RUMBLE

No problem is too big for our man Ron. If you’ve got something on your chest, send an email to vice@viceland.com.