How to Make an Instant Connection With Anyone

A good first impression can make or break an opportunity or connection. Whether you’re looking to build a business relationship or simply trying to make a new friend, much of it boils down to the first few seconds of interacting. 

“First impressions in psychology refer to the immediate judgments and evaluations one person makes about another upon first encountering them,” said Wylene Rholetter, PhD. “Research indicates that these impressions can form within mere seconds and are often surprisingly detailed and accurate.”

Here’s How to Have an Instant Connection With Anyone

According to Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., a parent coach and psychologist, the first 30 seconds of an initial interaction are particularly crucial to forming a genuine connection. He stressed the importance of making others feel valued upon meeting them, which can be done in a variety of small ways.

For example, if you’re on a first date, you might think to ask the other person generic questions, like “What do you do for a living?” Instead, get more creative, personal, and specific. 

My go-to question for anyone I’m first meeting is, “What are you most passionate about?” This is general enough that it isn’t overly invasive but also digs deeper than the usual work-related questions we often default to.

Bernstein also recommended tips like using the person’s name in the conversation, genuinely being curious about them/their lives, actively listening to their responses, finding common ground, and mirroring their energy. These tactics help make the other person feel valued and seen.

Often, we get so caught up in making a good first impression that we neglect the true connection altogether. We follow a familiar script rather than asking what we really want to know or sharing what we really want to share.

“The key to making a lasting first impression isn’t impressing—it’s making the other person feel valued,” Bernstein wrote in his Psychology Today article. “Whether in business, friendships, or romance, making someone think in the first 30 seconds can set the stage for something meaningful.”

Moral of the story: stop worrying so much about how you’re perceived, as this is out of your control. Instead, focus on showing up authentically and making the other person feel seen and heard.