Dear Gay Men of Melbourne, Australia,
You are needed to partake in an experiment of the utmost importance to mankind. This is finally your chance to give back to humanity with the simplest of tasks that you, yourself, hopefully perform daily with a loved one or friend. All you need is a penis, another man with a penis, the ability to chew and swallow kangaroo meat (among other things), and a positive and fresh outlook! If this sounds like it’s up your Hershey highway then please, for the sake of science, read on!

First off, allow me to introduce myself. My name is John and I come from America. I now reside in the lovely city of Melbourne, VIC, Australia. Upon my first encounters with the natives of this fine city I was urged to try the local delicacy—kangaroo meat. Long story short, I tried it and immediately fell in love. The natives noticed my vigor for the hoppy treat and informed me that eating kangaroo meat can improve the taste and consistency of your semen. Who’d of thunk it? Could this be true? I have to find out if this delectable meat makes your New England Man Chowder taste better!

(This is me, see my troubles, men?)

This is where you, gay men, come in. I am only one man with one penis and one bank of semen. I can only do some much. But two men can offer SO much more! I need a pair of gay couples. I will supply the kangaroo meat for a duration of two weeks. One partner will eat the ’roo meat while the other sticks to his normal diet. The non-’roo eating partner will record, over the course of the two weeks, the taste and consistency of his partner’s semen. It’s that simple! Your scientific findings will be published bi-daily in a very prestigious medical journal (VICELAND BLOG) for two weeks, at which point we will (hopefully) reach the indubitable truth. Discretion assured. Of course there is a bit more to this experiment, but it will only be discussed with the willing parties who volunteer for this selfless task.

So what do you say, men? Are you in or are you IN?! All you need to do is contact Dr. Uncle Sharkey at this address wthin the next two weeks: sharkey@viceaustralia.com. Registration ends two weeks from today, July 24th, year of our Lord, 2008. Thank you for your time gays!