The Stardust & Moonbeams Issue hits the stands this weekend and if you’ve got a problem with that name, we’ve got a problem with your face. For the rest of you, here’s a small sampling of what the S&M Issue has in store: Horror, laffs, sexual regret, musical reviews, unarmed combat, pretty pretty pictures, racist skinheads, a bunch of rural French smarties who’ve been pissing off the government, war, funny hats, and a wallaby wearing a man’s dress shirt.

If your interest has been piqued, here’s where you can find a copy near your house. The whole thing will be up on the site next week, but are you seriously willing to accept a bunch of ones and zeroes and poorly-typed comments as a substitute for a nice thick slab of cool, glossy pieces of paper? Sad sad sad.

Oh, and speaking of sad, here’s one last Sneaky Teaser to carry us out:

“As I am a regular clergy who has taken a vow of celibacy and am therefore an unmarried virgin, I wasn’t aware that you could buy lubricants to use in such circumstances. That’s why I turned to yogurt. I later learned that the lactic acid contained in yogurt protects female genitalia from bad bacteria, and decided that using yogurt as a substitute isn’t such a bad idea after all.”

Happy weekend!