NEW YORK – THE ROBO SINGULARITY

DXM, the psychedelic ingredient in Robitussin, is available at virtually every supermarket in America, actually on the continent and really the entire planet. If you wanted to escape DXM’s cherry flavored tendrils you would have to travel to the ends of the earth, as in Australia, which has some mentholated slippery-elm placebo-tussin, but that’s the exception. DXM is just as widely used as cocaine. It’s one of the most commonly available recreational dugs on the planet, period.

The people producing these cough syrups know DXM is psychedelic, and they also know that theobromine (one of the chemicals found in dark chocolate) has been proven a safer, cheaper, and less abusable cough suppressant. So why keep the poor man’s PCP on the market? Because they know that DXM is a high-tech tool for the acceleration of human consciousness. They know that those who drink the sacred syrup are transported into a stroboscopic time travel dance. How do they know? Because they drink the syrup themselves! How else did these people become the high-powered heads of multi-national conglomerates like Wyeth, the makers of Robitussin? It is because they are getting high on their own supply. They sit in their corporate offices guzzling the syrup of infinity bloated with the gaseous knowledge of the seeds of insanity they sow in the minds of millions who only wish to cure a harmless cough. Why would Wyeth be assassinating theobromine lobbyists left and right if not to maintain the status tussin. Sitting behind their desks with flushed skin they relive evolution from flatworm to modern man, not stopping until they are Pharaohs of the new millennium luxuriating in crystal pyramids of Zicam cherry cough mist.

The more you drink the more you know, and the more you know the more you drink. Next time you pass the cough syrup isle and see innumerable brightly colored boxes of cherry flavored Pandora, stop and ask yourself is this a mere coincidence?

HAMILTON MORRIS