DAY ONE AT PRIMAVERA: I got wasted. The End.

Kidding. The great thing about Primavera is that it’s not V Festival. The other great thing about Primavera, is that it somehow manages to have a consistently discerning line-up of artists each year, without it getting chock full of chin-stroking pricks who “love music, like, on a higher level?” and hate fun, but also isn’t filled with the type of girls who can only go to a festival if they’re wearing Hunter wellies and fairy wings. On that note, here are some of the artists Noisey checked out on day one…while I was getting wasted, yes.

17:00 – Damien from Fucked Up! and Lou from Dinosaur Jr. pop by for a chat and remind me they’re 1. adorable and 2. pretty much the nicest men in music.

18:00 – I forced Harri and Dom from Peace to do this Vine. Immediately decided to go into Vine directing full time.

23: 00 – Catch the end of Dinosaur Jr. Spot a guy wearing a Dinosaur Jr. t-shirt not watching Dinosaur Jr. Douche chills.

[Interlude here where we wander around trying to find the VIP area but were in that quandary of being too ashamed to ask anyone but, y’know, still really wanting to flip the bird to the prole from a cordoned off den of jumbo champagne cocktails and A-listers ]

23:30 – We meet our buddies Boiler Room entertaining a sea of people doing that eyes-closed-sway-slightly-and-make-gentle-gun-fingers dance by the, umm, sea. But then there were THESE dudes below; I have no clue how they didn’t make it to the live stream but I’m going to do spinning classes until I have exactly the same stamina as them. Imagine every day of your life being like an episode of Dance Energy?

00:00 – My personal highlight of the evening was a surprisingly sprightly Killer Mike. He smacked it with “Reagan”, which was proceeded by lots of talk about sticking it to The Man and I was briefly inspired to not mail that student loans repayment form. He topped it off with “Never Scared”, which didn’t suffer at all minus Bone Crusher and was tainted only by the guy in front of me groping his girlfriend’s butt so thoroughly I thought he was doing a cavity search. Kind of a weird song to grope to, right? Butt groping not included below.

01: 00 – We finally find the VIP area. I’m really looking forward to missing my favourite acts for the rest of Primavera because I’m too scared to walk too far away from toilets with a functioning flush.

01: 17 – HARRY STYLES ROLLS IN LIKE IT WAS NBD!!!1!!1 I totally could’ve got a Vine and done body-shots with him if I wanted to but I was just more interested in talking about the state of the music industry with a PR. (He had security the size of a small rhino with him and I thought they might taser me.)

[SCENE MISSING]

02:00 – I LOSE MY DAMN MIND (and wallet) to Death Grips. This was my first time seeing them live and I know everyone ever who has says it’s like having a religious experience, but there really is no way of describing how wall-punchingly excellent Stefan Burnett is as a performer. Like, I’m pretty sure he ruptured a vein during “Hustle Bones”. Let me tell you something about festival crowds on the continent though; they ruh-eeeeally don’t like two battered girls push-moshing.

[SCENE MISSING]

04:00 – Something about Jackmaster. May have tried kicking in hotel door. Bed.

Until tomorrow!

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