Stop ‘Carouseling’ on Dating Apps. It’s Ruining Your Love Life.

If you’re on dating apps, you’ve likely taken part in the frustrating dating trend called “carouseling” without even realizing it.

Basically, “carouseling” involves talking to matches from different apps without ever actually getting to know a person. When participating in this dating trend—even unknowingly—individuals often refrain from scheduling in-person dates and treat other users as pen pals. Once the conversation gets boring, they move on to another match.

Now, we can certainly blame ourselves for carrying out such non-commital behavior—but are dating apps messing with our minds, too? I certainly think so, and so do experts.

Elias Aboujaoude, a clinical professor of psychiatry at Stanford, said dating app matches or likes can give users a “rush” of dopamine.

“We know that dopamine is involved in many, many addictive processes, and there’s some data to suggest that it’s involved in our addiction to the screen,” he told National Geographic.

Similar to how we become “addicted” to social media sites (I mean, look at how unwell we were when TikTok was banned for half a day), we can also become addicted to matching with potential suitors on dating apps. This can lead to “carouseling,” or just aimlessly talking to matches without ever meeting them.

As someone who spent years on and off the apps after a long-term relationship, I went from hyper-focusing on one person at a time out of habit to talking to multiple people at once. (Key word: talking, not meeting up, unless they really piqued my interest.) 

What I’ve learned is that it’s difficult to take someone seriously when they’re just a face on a screen. And since I’ve been let down by most dating app matches before, I began shying away from in-person meetings, rendering the entire ordeal a waste of time. 

Let’s Leave the ‘Carouseling’ Dating Trend in 2024

All in all, dating apps just aren’t for me. At least not at this stage in my life. I prefer a slow burn and a solid friendship at the core of the relationship, but that doesn’t feel realistic if you’re matching on an app intended for dating.

And I mean, not for nothing, but many women—and men, of course—have experienced dangerous situations when meeting “a stranger from the internet.” I’ve heard plenty of dating app horror stories that made me more closed off.

So, really, it’s understandable why so many of us are hesitant to meet some rando in the real world.

And because so many users approach the apps differently, bringing their unique experiences and dating histories to the table, there’s often a disconnect in expectations off the bat. Some people are more comfortable talking for weeks and building a foundation before actually meeting, while others feel that’s a waste of time and would rather cut to the chase. Both options are valid in my book, and it all comes down to open communication and compatibility.

But “carouseling” is a real problem—especially if you’re leading people on with zero intention of ever getting to know them.

Ask yourself honestly: are you “carouseling” on the dating apps? You’re not alone if so—but perhaps it’s time to set some boundaries for yourself. Maybe allow yourself to talk to only one person for a limited time before scheduling a date (even if it’s a FaceTime call to ease the nerves).

Or, if you’d prefer to get to know multiple people, you can challenge yourself to schedule one date per week. That way, you’re not stringing along a list of matches without ever giving any of them a chance to develop an authentic connection with you.

And if you feel others are “carouseling” you, make sure to set some limits and boundaries for your matches, too. For example, if someone has been messaging you for two weeks with no plans to talk on the phone or meet up, communicate that you either want to move forward to the next steps or call it quits completely. 

You have every right to be direct in your communication about what you want and what feels right for you. If someone doesn’t match that, that doesn’t mean they’re wrong or a bad person—they’re just not your person.