Why are you fucking idiots still doing your own laundry? We explained a long time ago how that works. By waiting by the machines instead of dropping it off you are saving anywhere from $1 to $2 an hour. Do you hate yourself?

We’ve heard excuses like, “I like it. It’s peaceful.” Yeah right. Sitting in a boiling hot Laundromat in the middle of the day is peaceful. That’s why it’s filled with illegals sweating their asses off trying to make money for their family back home.

Sometimes girls say they like it because they are very particular about exactly HOW their delicates get washed. Fine. Tell yourself that.

For the sake of expediency our beef is going to focus on guys who give up a big part of their day off to go stand by their dirty underwear and watch the shitstains disappear. How broke can you be? Why not wash your shit in the bathtub if your time is worth pennies an hour? You losers are the laughing stock of the thinking world because, as insignificant as this phenomenon may sound it’s actually indicative of a much bigger problem: our generation does not understand math. They never do the numbers. Oh we can end hunger with just a dollar a day? There are 4 billion starving people in the world. What are you going to do, buy them all lunch? Oh police work is a dangerous job? Exactly how many cops die a year? Less than bee stings? Thought so. The Iraq war is an idiotic travesty but is it really that expensive? $300 billion divided by the population of America is only $1,000 a person. Okay I guess that is a lot. Bad example. We realize math is boring and you’d rather take, “History of the Philosophy of Self and Gender in Film” but look what it’s doing to you. You’re in a fucking Laundromat for fuck’s sakes.