TORONTO – BAD TRIPS

If people are already flipping their shit over a drawing of a bullet-riddled chimp (by the way, the point of the cartoon was that the stimulus package was written by the crazed ape who tore off that lady’s face. As in that specific chimp. Keep in mind this is a political cartoon. If it was supposed to represent Obama it would have said “OBAMA” in big letters on his stomach and the gun would have been labeled “Death by Committee” or something. Also, if the whole deal was trying to say that the president should be shot, why are the cops saying “Guess we need to find someone else to write the stimulus package” instead of “Good, we stopped that negro president of ours from passing that bill he wanted to. We are Aryan heroes, and doing our part to promote the 14 words.”? Anyways, back to the sentence…) they are going to go mental next time they get their Canadian passport renewed.

This brochure from the Canadian Foreign Affairs bureau starts on a strong note with a title that forces your brain to insert its own record-scratch noise and a cover cast so diverse it contains stereotypes of cultures that haven’t even existed for at least a century. The first few pages make a couple good reading suggestions like International Child Abductions: A Manual for Parents and Child Sex Tourism: It’s A Crime, but things really kick into high gear in the chapter on “Bad Trips Abroad”. Check it out.

Not trying to blame the victim here, but maybe Daniel wouldn’t have tipped off the cops to his “endless beach party” if he’d avoided wearing a sweater and turtleneck to Daytona Beach and waving a bag of golfball-size rocks of meth near his face.

I feel like they could have spelled it out a little clearer, but good advice all the same. The rest of the lessons tendered are every bit as valuable: Egyptian authorities don’t take lightly to old ladies dressed as their nation’s last queen with poorly-labeled pill bottles, Australians make terrible boyfriends, and drinking too much liquid heroin can turn you into a some kind of Aboriginal Watership Down rabbit.