“Now the time has come to write the next great chapter in the history of our armed forces, to prepare for the next battlefield where America's best and bravest will be called to deter and defeat a new generation of threats to our people, to our nation,” Independence Day’s President Thomas J. Whitmore said, addressing a team of US fighter pilots who had assembled at Area 51 before their final battle with alien invaders.
No, wait… that wasn’t Whitmore. That was actually real-life Vice President Mike Pence, announcing this administration’s plan to establish the Space Force as the sixth branch of the United States Armed Forces. According to Pence, the Space Force will be a real thing by 2020, assuming that Congress approves its formation. (Assuming that Congress still matters by 2020. Assuming that anything still matters by 2020.)
Again, Space Force is still Not a Thing, but that hasn’t stopped the Trump campaign from emailing its supporters, asking them to vote on one of six potential logos. Yes, one is just a slightly altered version of NASA’s famous ‘meatball’ logo, and two others look like they were taken from the Microsoft Office clipart library.
The uncertain future of the Space Force hasn’t stopped enterprising Americans from filing the paperwork to trademark the term for action figures, “accessories,” and beer. (TMZ reports that the makers of a now-defunct arcade game first trademarked “Space Force” in the early 1980s).
The trademark for beer was filed in March by Wisconsin’s Hop & Barrel Brewing Company, which has already canned its dry-hopped Space Force Double IPA. And they’re not the only ones: there are at least four other breweries that currently offer their own variations of Space Force brew (and—spoiler alert—most of them are IPAs).
Four Quarters Brewing in Winooski, Vermont, also has a canned Space Force Double IPA. The 8 percent ABV brew was released as a limited edition, complete with an astronaut Trump on the label. The brewery says that $1 from the purchase price of every 4-pack or Space Force T-shirt would be donated to RAICES, a nonprofit that provides free or low-cost legal services to immigrants and refugees.
A Space Force IPA is also currently on-tap at Drafting Table Brewing Company in Wixom, Michigan. “This Brut IPA has a tropical fruit and hoppy aroma with low bitterness in the flavor,” the brewery writes. “It’s highly carbonated with a light mouth feel and a dry finish.” (And California’s Laughing Monk and Corralitos Brewing have joined forces to create their own Space Force Brut IPA, a “super dark and super dank” beer that is currently on-tap for a limited time.)
Pono Brewing in Portland, Oregon is zero percent ambiguous about its feelings: Its Space Force Mango logo features the fruit with a Trump-like silhouette, Trump-like hairpiece, and Trump-like skin tone.
“Mankind. That word should have new meaning for all of us today,” Mike Pence said on Thursday. “We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the 4th of Jul––”
No, wait, we had that wrong too. Is it too late to elect Bill Pullman as President? He seems to have already figured out that whole Space Force thing.