In the world of local-news reporting there is no juicier, more delicious, right-within-biting-range-r carrot than getting an exclusive. It shows that you’re ahead of the pack, that you’re a real journalist, not just some olive-suited shlub driving around in a van with a police scanner, but someone who can dig deep into the tangled fabric of society and wrest the truth from its murky surroundings. Sometimes, however, it just shows that you are a chronic masturbator. PS: We’d cut the reporter in the below footage a little slack if he didn’t have one of the horniest faces we’d seen since this guy. Seriously though, right? It’s not just us here, is it?