Ever Wished You Could Be a Kid Again? For 'Age Regressors', You Can

“I was never allowed to be a kid. I always had to be the adult in my family,” says Sophie. The 28-year-old, who is based in the US, is just one of 19,000 members of the r/AgeRegression subreddit: an online community for those who revert to a younger state of mind to process trauma, alleviate stress or “sometimes just for fun.”

“It feels like a huge part of my life which I have to hide,” she adds. Like all the interviewees in this piece, she wished to remain anonymous due to the stigma around age regression and fears for her safety. “While it is comforting, it feels like a burden at times because I feel the need to hide it.”

On r/AgeRegression, however, nobody hides. Users openly share their stuffed animal collection, swap tips on where to buy “agere [age regression] gear” like adult pacifiers, and post photos of their colouring-in. It’s also a space where people vent about their day, share brutal truths about their mental health and seek advice when they come into trouble, such as what to do if a friend or family member finds out about their age regressing. 

But what exactly is “age regression”? According to Joshua Klapow, a clinical psychologist, age regression can be both involuntary and voluntary. For those who involuntarily regress, Klapow says this often occurs as a result of a trigger, such as “stressful or traumatic environments or experiences that position a person in an uncertain, unfamiliar or perceived unsafe situation.” He defines voluntary age regression as the “willful release of age-appropriate behaviour to escape present reality”. 

“In all cases, the process of regression brings the person psychologically to a simpler, often more dependent state,” he continues. While some regressors deliberately seek to bring on that state of mind – with one user telling VICE that they “try to regress at least once or twice a week” – for others, it happens outside of their control.

The subreddit was created way back in August 2017, but its membership has grown exponentially since the pandemic. Between March 2020 and February 2022, membership grew by 89.2 percent. But why? What gives?

Dr Pamela Rutledge, Director of the Media Psychologist Centre, believes this increased interest in age regression during the pandemic is no coincidence. “Coming in the aftermath of the COVID pandemic, age regression online may offer an escape or even a reset from the stress of the last two years,” she says. “Symbolically and metaphorically, childhood offers an idealised vision of safety, support and nurturing.” 

Kira, 20, who is based in Belgium, is another member of the subreddit. She started regressing involuntarily at the age of 16. “I’ve [gone] through some things when I was younger and I usually regress after I’ve been triggered, or if it was a stressful day,” she says. “I have no control over if and when I regress. It just happens.” 

“Age regression isn’t always the ‘fun things’ you see online,” she adds. “Usually it’s fun – but it’s frustrating when words don’t work and age regression isn’t always happy. Sometimes, you can get really emotional over small things or lonely when no one is around to talk to.”

Voluntary or otherwise, for many members of the subreddit, age regression acts as a coping mechanism to deal with childhood trauma, difficult life events or even the banality of adult life. “For me, age regression involves doing activities that bring me comfort,” explains Sophie, who regresses to around the ages of six to eight. “I like to dress comfortably, colour in colouring books, watch kids’ shows, play relaxing kid games, cuddle with stuffed animals and eat children’s food.” 

It isn’t always a solitary pursuit. James, 20, who’s based in the US, says he met his girlfriend on an age regression Discord server. He then asked her to become his “caregiver” – the term age regressors use for those who care for them when regressing. “I was really depressed and asked if someone could take care of me for a night because I was having a hard time regressing,” he says.

“She is a normal girlfriend and a mommy,” he says. “For the second part, she's more sensitive, listening, caring and loving than what other people would usually do – cuddling me and rocking me to make sure I feel better. She also makes sure that I have all my little stuff for when I feel little – giving me a paci [pacifier] and watching cartoons with me.”

Age regression obviously attracts a great deal of stigma and suspicion. For some, voluntary regression especially looks a lot like age play or “daddy dom/little girl” kinks, which can make people pretty uncomfortable. On the subreddit, however, sexual content is banned, with the forum describing it as a “postive non-sexual coping strategy”.

“I hate the stereotype that age regression is a sexual thing or pedophile kink,” James says. “This is a perfectly safe thing to do and that just because you don't do it doesn't mean it's any less valid… [Age regression] isn't meant to hurt others. It's not right to send age regressors death threats because of your misunderstandings. Do better and do your research.”

For cultural theorist Matt Klein, much of the stigma also occurs because “play becomes more scarce as one enters adulthood” and “any counter to this cultural norm becomes glaring, drawing scrutiny”. 

“Age regression provides a return to childhood naivety and a time when broader play was more acceptable,” he says. “Because sex is a more acceptable form of play in adulthood, it's perhaps why many make the association to it here.”

Despite the stigma, age regressors describe the subreddit as positive. “Online communities often provide validation and support for those who have secretly engaged in behaviours that they may have felt were abnormal,” explains Dr Carla Manly, a clinical psychologist. “When behaviours such as age regression are normalised, those who have been fearful of being judged feel safe in sharing their private worlds.”

Sophie agrees that r/AgeRegression has acted as her safe space. “It’s been nice to have a supportive community where I can be myself and not feel weird about what I’m doing because other people are experiencing it as well,” she says. “It’s helped me tremendously. I love having a community I can get love and advice from.”

For some, r/AgeRegression might seem a bit freaky or unsavoury. For others, it’s a pastel-coloured, judgement-free utopia. Either way, those who are part of the community keep going back.

“When I’m regressed, I’m not that good at being alone, so having others to talk to in the community has helped me a lot,” says Kira. “It’s good to know you’re not the only one doing it. It made me feel less insecure.”

@colomobochar