Is This Pope-Testing Argentinian Glamour Model the Piss-Taker We’ve All Been Waiting For?

Pope Francis (via)

Tom Green’s successor has finally been found, after years of frantic searching for a new po-faced uber-prankster, and it’s in the form of Playboy playmate Victoria Xipolitakis. The Argentine glamour model was booed and jeered recently when she attempted to approach his holiness the Pope with no bra on and a child clasped to her side. The Pope was doing the rounds in South America, and Xipolitakis was queuing up to meet the man himself, but security led her away from the scene after the public became riled.

Of course, women’s breasts are Satan’s water wings. Disgusting, evil raviolis on the figure of the otherwise pure and good female body. And for them to be unholstered, like a particularly sexy but dangerous cowboy’s golden revolver, in front of the leader of the Catholic church, is untenable. They weren’t exposed, mind you – this isn’t an episode of Sexetera. She was wearing a semi-transparent white top, through which the outline of her evil, protruding nips could be seen. A couple of Beelzebubs nearly testing Pope Francis in the wilderness of Asuncion, Paraguay.

Aside from her pseudo-#FreeTheNipple protest not being tolerated by that papacy, Victoria has been causing havoc all over the world. Only a last month she was involved in another controversy, after two pilots were fired from their jobs at Austral Airlines after allowed her into the cockpit to hang out and take photos. The 29-year-old took some photos of herself and claimed that she “Even flew the plane.” She was on an internal flight from Buenos Aires to Rosario in Argentina when she was allowed into the cockpit during take off, with the pilots allegedly letting her take control of the plane during the most dangerous part of the flight.

It seems that Victoria can’t really go anywhere without trolling the shit out of some idiots. Six months ago she was embroiled in a controversy in which attempted to win a carnival queen competition with a clearly photoshopped image. And we’re not talking using-magic-wand-to-get-rid-of-the-laughter-lines photoshop, we’re talking waistline-looks-like-someone-cutting-a-Cheesestring-around-the-middle-with-garrotte-wire photoshop. I mean, have a look:

Photo via

It appears Victoria has a habit of doing the photoshop thing. But does she really know what she’s doing, or is she totally oblivious to the trail of carnage she leaves in her wake? Is this part of some knowing, elaborate art project for Playboy Greece, where she makes many appearances, or does a subconscious sense of mischief just touch everything she puts her hand to? With regards to the plane incident, Victoria said “I want to apologise from the bottom of my heart to everyone. That was insane. I didn’t realise what I was doing and my life also was being put in danger.” So perhaps she isn’t the MTV daredevil we had hoped.

Watch our new documentary about a guy who can stay submerged in ice for 53 minutes without his core body temperature changing: ICEMAN

Either way, this form of japery is a breath of fresh air from the kind of horrible mulch that passes for cheekiness online, like insidiously baiting black guys into beating you up by pretending to steal their phones, or pinching actress’s buttocks whilst pretending your hand is in your pocket.

In a few months we will hopefully see Victoria pull even more stunts, perhaps involving more religious leaders. Victoria Xipolitakis arrested for trying to milk the Dalai Lama. Victoria Xipolitakis accidentally nudges the Archbishop of Canterbury into a canal. I could go on.

Perhaps the shenanigans will come to an end, and a life of good behaviour awaits our glamorous goon. If so, we must say thank you for the laughs, Victoria. Thank you for the laughs.

@joe_bish

More from VICE:

In Conversation with Limmy

George Osborne’s War on the Young Will Screw the Tories in the End

How Not to Be a Dick on the Tube