It sucks when you have a gift obligation to someone who sucks. Whether it’s the outlier in your friend group, a coworker who rubs you the wrong way, or that family member whom you dread seeing, some people simply don’t deserve a splendid gift. Instead, they deserve presents coded with hate. You can’t hand them a note that says, “I actually hate you.” What you can do is give them one of these frenemy gifts that will insult, upset, or inconvenience them. 

Cactus Toilet Plunger And Brush Set

Nothing says “I don’t really like you” like giving someone a plunger as a gift. It also kind of implies they take massive dumps, which isn’t a cute look. This Cactus Toilet Plunger And Brush Set can come off as a funny gag gift, but it is also rather insulting, making it the perfect present for your favorite (least favorite?) frenemy. There’s no accounting for taste, but I would also not want this cheesy, cartoonish plunger set in my bathroom. They might be offended that you would give them such a dorky home gift. 

Teeth Teacup

Who doesn’t love to drink their morning coffee out of… a Teeth Teacup? Don’t worry; they’re not real human teeth. They’re made of resin, but they look real, and that should be enough to freak them out. I also recommend not telling them that they’re fake teeth — let their suspicions disturb them. What makes this Teeth Teacup even creepier is that the teeth do not look healthy. They’re stained yellow, begging the question if the previous owner ever went to the dentist. 

Zollipops SOUR Sugar-Free Lollipops

Okay this is not throwing shade at Zolli Candy, because their candy is pretty good. However, gifting someone who isn’t trying to avoid sugar a bag of sugar-free candy is kind of a slight. On top of giving them candy that isn’t sweet, you might also give them a tummy ache. I can’t guarantee that, unfortunately, but we can always dream! This gift is even more off-putting if you make a point to get everyone else normal candy, leaving them wondering why they got the only sugar-free bag. 

Smells Like A Pity Party Candle

This gift is specifically for the frenemy in your life who looooves to play the victim. Do you have a coworker who never stops complaining? A friend who always has a dramatic story to tell about how sad their life is? They’re just beginning for the Smells Like A Pity Party Candle. The label is snarky and calls them out for their self-victimizing behavior, but the candle actual smells like coconuts. While it’s a small insult, the actual gift is functional and enjoyable, so you don’t have to feel too guilty about gifting it.

The Ugly Duchess Quentin Matsys Poster

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. At least, that’s what you can say when you give your frenemy this gift. The Ugly Duchess Quentin Matsys Poster is quite the sight, with a wrinkly face, wrinkly boobs, and a dramatic Victorian getup. Tell them it’s a famous painting and you thought they’d appreciate the depth and complexity of it. If they actually hang it up, it’ll likely haunt their dreams. However, my man walked by while I was writing this and said, “Cool poster,” so to each their own. 

Glitter Bomb Card

Type A, neat freak frenemies will hate this Glitter Bomb Card. When you open this seemingly sweet card, a boatload of glitter waterfalls down. Make sure they’re sitting down when they open it so it rains down all over their lap. Better yet, send it to their house, and hopefully, they’ll open it while standing on a shaggy rug. They’ll be plagued with glitter for weeks — maybe months. To top it all off, the inside of the card gives them the middle finger, just to drive home the point that they’re not your favorite person. 

Wild Natural Deodorant

Wild Natural Deodorant is an exceptional product. These stylish and refillable deodorant stick cases are made from durable aluminum and recycled plastic. You’re not wasting plastic every time you buy a new stick. And the refillable pods come in a wide array of scrumptious scents. However, being gifted deodorant isn’t exactly a compliment. You’re simultaneously giving them something that’s high-quality and humiliating. The present is super useful and even enjoyable, but you’re hinting that they’re stink.

1,000-Piece Movie Puzzle

Obviously, don’t give any puzzle fanatics this if you want them to suffer. They might love it. But i your frenemy is anything like me, jigsaw puzzles are daunting and frustrating. This behemoth 1,000-Piece Movie Puzzle is pure chaos and likely to make them tear their hair out trying to finish it. It’s not a comprehensive image, so it’s sort of like doing a bunch of mini puzzles and then trying to fit them together. Sounds awful to me, so give this to someone you loathe and watch them struggle. 

Dental Hygiene Super Kit

Another very thoughtful and insulting gift is this Dental Hygiene Super Kit. It’s an eco-friendly present that helps you reduce your waste, specifically plastic waste associated with dental hygiene. But why give this to someone unless you’re trying to tell them their breath stinks or their teeth look gross? You can express that harsh and hateful sentiment without saying a word; just wrap this up and give it to them with a smile. I love this one because this product is wonderful, it just sends a mixed message to the recipient. 

Don’t Be a D*ck: A Self-Help Guide to Being F*cking Awesome

Don’t Be a D*ck: A Self-Help Guide to Being F*cking Awesome is more of a direct statement to your frenemy. The self-help book doesn’t pull any punches, essentially telling someon they need to be a better person. It’s a hilarious present for your frenemy who tends to make rude jokes, interrupt people, or come off like an assh*le. You won’t be mincing words when you hand this to them, and I suggest doing so with an obnoxious grin. All jokes aside, though, it is a beneficial book that can help anyone reflect on their behavior and maybe work on some self-improvement.

Alarm Clock For Heavy Sleepers

This Alarm Clock For Heavy Sleepers goes the extra mile to force people out of bed. It’s the perfect frenemy gift for your coworker who never gets to work on time or your sort-of-friend who is relentlessly late. It’s uber-loud, which is bad enough, but it also starts vibrating aggressively and rolls away from the sleeper. They have to chase it down to shut it off, so they have no choice but to get out of bed if they want the blaring sound to stop. It’s like a torture device that improves productivity!

Conjuring Universe Annabelle Doll

Don’t give this frenemy gift to someone who’s obsessed with The Conjuring universe. But for anyone else, the plush Conjuring Universe Annabelle Doll is a creepy offering. With wide eyes, a terrifying smirk, and her not-so-sweet braids, it’s the stuff of nightmares. If your frenemy is smart, they won’t even let it inside their house. Nevertheless, the horrifying stare the plush doll gives them when they unwrap it will be enough to keep them up at night, so your evil plan can commence. 

William Morris Inspired Animal Vintage Floral 2025 Calendar

Ah yes, the beautiful and elegant William Morris Inspired Animal Vintage Floral Calendar. It’s a stunning, artistic present that couldn’t possibly piss anyone off, right? Wrong! Because you can get them the 2025 version — which is completely useless. I chose this one because I like the vibe, but you can give your frenemy any 2025 calendar to irk them. Take it an extra step and give them a calendar from 2012 or something, just to show how much you don’t care about them and their schedule. Make sure you select the 1/1/25 start date; otherwise, you’re just getting them a nice calendar, which would be lame.

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