When you cough or sneeze you think you’re right to cover your mouth with your hand. That’s how mummy taught you. Well, that know-it-all bitch couldn’t have been more wrong. Cough hands will have a big hand in the destruction of the species.

Coughing and sneezing into your hands = Gob germs on hands + touching surfaces + shaking hands + hands opening doors + hands holding on to the tube rail = global pandemic.

Coughing/sneezing into your elbow is the only way to save the planet, according to new public health directives. Doing it into elbow fabric will spread less communicable diseases than doing it into hands. Doctors want to make it the new cold etiquette, the new flu fashion. So c’mon kids, be cool when you’ve got a cold – start throwin’ ‘bows.

DOM TUNON