Josh Homme Is Telling You a Bedtime Story, Try Not to Freak Out

The video above shows Josh Homme, frontman of Queens of the Stone Age and lyricist behind a song made up entirely of the following lyrics: “Nicotine, valium, Vicodin, marijuana, ecstasy, and alcohol[…] c-c-c-c-c-coicaine.” He is reading a bedtime story to the children of Great Britain on the BBC’s children’s network, CBeebies. He’s telling a story about “a heroic and good dragon that is learning to be the best that he can be.” The story is written Julia Donaldson and illustrated by Axel Scheffler. It is called Zog.

The children of Britain will likely enjoy this story about a dragon. Dragon’s are cool and Josh Homme’s voice is, on the surface, quite soothing. But to anyone older than six, this is terrifying. When Homme holds up his own stuffed dragon, called Snoopbob Meatball, I fear for the plush animal’s neck. When he leans back in his chair, flicks his hair to one side, and doesn’t shift his eyes from the camera, I expect him to drop into Dennis Hopper’s monologue from True Romance. When he puts on a British accent and reads, “Stop, you silly chumps, the world’s already far too full of cuts and burns and bumps,” I grow uneasy at the mention of pain.

But watch the video above. Just try not to freak out. I promise, nothing bad happens.

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