Primavera Day Three – Fart Jokes With Wu Tang

PRIMAVERA DAY THREE: I am out of clean pants. I’m so tired that when people talk all I hear is the teacher’s voice in Charlie Brown. My wristband is now cutting off circulation to my right arm. But there’s still one more biggie I have to watch…

20: 00 – Earlier in the day none other than Inspectah Deck and DJ Mathematics came to hang out on our rooftop and talk Wu Wisdom. Unfortunately, we made the faux pas of stocking up on rap snacks for them, but totally not brushing up on said Wu Wisdom and forgetting they were all vegans. IKR? Hands up if you get a LOL from Wu’s dedication to making veganism, chess and liking kung fu sound like the HARDEST shit ever. Luckily, after snack-gate they were both really fascinated with my graphic description of how cheese makes me fart like a 70 year old man with gout, so that was something.

Anyway, though we didn’t have the foresight to get them a vegan bean feast, we DID get to introduce them to Vine.

22:00 – They took to the stage later, greeted by a comfortingly rowdy Barcelona. It’s not like Primavera is known for its dedication to booking ~rap~ acts but then again what freak doesn’t like throwing their Ws up? Considering they’re all forty plus Wu’s set is equally energetic. Maybe this means if I became vegan I wouldn’t need a sit down and nitrous oxide after walking up a flight of stairs? We’ll never know. DJ Mathematics is especially on top form for someone who didn’t have any pasta for tea, as he showcases his turntable skills by at one point mixing with his feet. Can Diplo mix with his feet? CAN HE?

23:00 – Maybe extremely gentle indie still has a place in the world, maybe people just really like that wine advert “French Navy” is on, either way the turn out for Camera Obscura was pretty impressive for a modestly followed act.

00:00 – We just about catch the end of Nick Cave, but apparently we’ve missed him grinding his sweaty, satin clad crotch into the crowd and thus fulfilling the disturbing fantasies of more women than you’d think. But thankfully there’s this thing called the internet so you can watch it as many times as your uterus can handle.

[LOTS OF SCENES MISSING]

02:00 – Briefly remember hearing My Bloody Valentine as I was trapped in a pitch black portaloo, having suddenly forgotten how to operate a slide lock. So, with all the the highs, the hangover lows, the weird bruises and group hugging, could there have been anyway more touching for me to end my very first Primavera than on the toilet? I think not.

Primavera Day One- Losing Our Minds To Death Grips

Primavera Day Two – Crying At Blur Live

Follow Jo on Twitter @FUERTESKNIGHT