I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get really sick of words. Especially the ones I personally speak and write. At the end of the day, all this proverbial lip flapping I make on ungodly sounds usually amounts to nothing but valuable time wasted on both our ends and a never-ending supply of fuel for the non-pant wearers who inhabit message boards to hate and whine about in between picking their crotches and scratching their asses. But hey, it’s better than my old job, making mud down at the mud factory, so I’ll keep with it as long as the powers that be at the VICE conglomo will let me.

But this week, I gotta admit I’ve been caught with my loons down. Between helping edit a new espionage thriller, Wendel Blow—Man or Myth?, and producing the upcoming GBH record Spikes, Leather, Bristles, and a Warm Place to Crap, I haven’t scribbled a jot for this here column. So please accept this rather unlistenable mix of poorly recorded noise (with commentary!) in lieu of actual writing with thought behind it. Thanky!

The Rettsounds “Mutant Mix”

1) Deaf Mutations – “Crash the Clubs” – Apparently this is some sorta cool guy hush-hush supergroup, but since all I do is hang around the bowling alley with cretins who don’t know their Quacky Duck from their Career Suicide, I really wouldn’t know. The gorgeous front cover of this single gives the instructions to “Flush All Feces.” Jesus, who put this record out? My wife?

2) Troops of Tomorrow – “The Boot Boys Are Back”

3) Iron Cross – “It’s A Fight”

4) Violent Minds – “Hit List”

5) Todlachen – “Today’s Youth” “Reduced Lunch” “Idiots Within” – Punk nerd legend has it that a whole 7″ was recorded by Todlachen—AmRep/Halo of Flies honcho Tom Hazelmyer’s early 80s Midwest teencore unit—back when way back was way back for Hukser Du’s own label, Reflex. Bob Mould holds the tapes and will not relinquish them until someone pins him in a match of Greco-Roman wrestling. Until then, all we have are these live tracks.

6) YDI – “Not Without a Fight”

7) Bed Wettin’ Bad Boys – “Southern Girls”

8) The Move – “Higher & Higher”

9) Grong Grong – “Lookin’ at You” – Best MC5 cover ever.

10) Panopticon Eyelids – “Exploding Foil Vegetable” – I have been in full support of these French Canucks for years—ever since I saw a crazy set of theirs in a sweat lodge complete with crazy gang backup vocals, bloody fists, and early afternoon Labatts quaffing. I’d be in even bigger support of them if they released something in an edition higher than friggin’ 20.

11) Tar Babies – “Caleb’s Getting Mad”

12) The Skulls – “Victims”

13) Dead Katss – “Fun Wars” – For some reason or another, I woke up with this song stuck in my head today. Now you’ll have to suffer for that.

14) Screamin’ Mee – Mees & Hot Scott Fischer – “Final Solution”

15) The Tokens – “Animal” – From their “long lost” classic, Intercourse.

16) Wolfgang Duaner Quintet – “Come on in on in” – Does this song remind you of a man in a top hat and a very long list of screwball records? Of course it does! Bobby, give this kid anything off the top shelf.

17) Five Day Week Straw People – “Postman”

18) The Plebs – “Smell the Rose” – Screw Ole Blue Eyes. LA is the Plebs’ lady and/or bitch.

Previously – Making a Scene (Again)