Everyone, Stop: Sega Just Canonized a ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ Timeline, and It’s Wonderfully, Appropriately Insane

I’m beginning to realize how much I actually kind of love Sonic the Hedgehog. Growing up, I never understood the 2D games. And outside of Sonic Adventure 2 Battle, I never allowed myself to truly appreciate the Blue Blur. Lately, though, my opinion has started to shift. Maybe the movies finally endeared me to the character. Or, maybe Sega being certifiably batshit insane and canonizing a timeline for the series gave me a newfound respect.

Just click that second hyperlink and experience true bliss. Sonic has always been a goofy character. But, Sega locking in a Sonic the Hedgehog “official” timeline is the funniest and greatest thing ever. Of course Sonic Unleashed is the origin point. What else would any of us expect otherwise?

“At some point, ‘Dark Gaia’, which grew over millions of years, destroyed the Earth, and ‘Light Gaia’ healed it, repeating the same history.” Thanks, Sega. You genuinely made my day. It’s rare when I’m speechless about anything in the gaming world. But, the silliest Sonic the Hedgehog timeline I’ve ever seen? Hell yeah.

for some reason, sega’s ‘sonic the hedgehog’ timeline doesn’t make me as upset as the ‘legend of zelda’ timeline

Nothing is left off the table. Mainline games, spinoffs — Sonic Shuffle is canon. It’s art. Sega, you did it. You know why I’m having an easier time accepting this than the Legend of Zelda timeline? Because Sonic the Hedgehog is the most unserious franchise in gaming. Whatever — who needs “internal consistency” in that series? LoZ, on the other hand? …You know what, I don’t want any angry social media posts. I’ll just shut my mouth. Last thing I need is a group of purists saying, “Actually, you’re the one who’s too dumb to make sense of the Legend of Zelda timeline.”

Anyway, back to admiring true art. What’s even better about Sega’s Sonic the Hedgehog timeline is that some games just have multiple entries throughout. But, Sonic always has its fair share of timey-wimey nonsense going on, so, yeah. The infamous ’06 being at the tail end? Perfection. It doesn’t get much better than that. Speaking of, I sincerely hope the movies cover the ’06 storyline and make everyone truly, irrationally upset.