Girl Date – Carbing Up At Iggy Azelea

Iggy Azelea’s ass, which really wasn’t as impressive as I thought it would be.

It’s not every day that a girl like me gets an all-access pass to see Iggy Azelea, so when the opportunity came up last ngiht two words smashed my brain like a derailed Chinese high speed train: GIRLS NIGHT! I managed to scam a few plus ones and rang up my gal pals Adri and Lauren to partake in my sloshedness. 

The show was at SOB’s. This place is crazy, and I never go there because I don’t like to get my ass grabbed at Brazillian dance nights. It used to be a home for great underground hip-hop, but these days it’s more about fried chicken, men with plugs, and a gnarly Rosé that tastes like shit and looks like this:

Prior to the show, we stopped into the Blue Ribbon outpost on Downing for some “Girls”-esque drinks.  Much to my shock and amazement, I learned there was a legit bakery downstairs when i trotted down to take a piss. Upon exiting, I was “gifted” (stole) one BIG baguette.

Back to SOB’s!  

Once people got over the confusion of seeing a small girl with a very large carb, they started getting really friendly. Like “girl, your breadstick is poking me.” Suddenly, baguette was our gateway into a realm of rap fans I never thought poss.

This man approached me for bread:

This sightly group was basically grinding with our new friend:

After a few baguette lols with the plebes, we made our way down to the green room to hang with Iggy.   It was here that I committed carbocide by stuffing a fried potato into my glutenous member. Adri crowned baguette a twit handle (@blueribbonbaguette), and poof, Iggs was an afterthought.  

Luckily for rap music, a hype woman in the form of a crazy Aussie Auntie stepped on stage! Though she did not know baguette formally, this woman knew how to channel excitement.  

Last, the main attraction. Iggy was everything I thought she’d be and more – incredibly lovely and polished. 

A$AP really dropped the ball when he let this delicate Australia flower go, Iggy will one day make a lucky hip hop fan a very happy boy. In the interim, here’s hoping she gets her baguette first!

@gabby_shaw

Shout outs to my ladies @adrimurguia and @laurenblane