Last week, Doja Cat was making cows the coolest animals on the farm with her extremely catchy viral smash "Mooo!" We talked to her about the origin of the song, but inquiring minds wanted to know if she'd heard from PETA yet. "PETA can't say shit and they can suck it because I didn’t actually hurt anybody," she told Noisey over the phone. "I didn’t hurt any cows, dogs, cats, or frogs, or fucking ants. I’m not worth picking on." Well, last night PETA slid in Noisey's mentions to alert us of their response. It wasn't just a statement, they'd actually recorded a two-minute video of their own from a cow's perspective. To be quite honest, the cow was pretty damn rude. There are even blurred middle fingers, so is it safe to say this is beef?
PETA, I'm going to let you finish but Doja Cat gave us the best cow song of all time. She gave us moments. There were fries up her nose and a twerk that didn't require as many steps as the In My Feelings challenge. She gave us Instagram captions. "Got milk, bitch? Got beef?" I mean, hello. You get an A for effort, but the content is seriously depressing. Sure, I'd imagine that the exploitation of animals is not exactly the kind of thing you can easily sexy up, but did you ever think that maybe some cows are "too smoooth, not in the mooood, and trying to make moooves?"
Ninety percent of this song doesn't even rhyme and the beat is such a snoozer. Haven't you heard that the cardinal rule of doing a diss record is to hop on your opponent's beat? This song is dripping with separation anxiety and sadness, and while I feel that, I'd like to think that not every second of a cow's life sucks. "I'm a living being and I constantly ache." ??? The cows deserved more than this.
Kristin Corry is a staff writer for Noisey. Follow her on Twitter.