VICE Without Context: ‘Go to Hell, Martha Stewart’

As copy editor of VICE.com, it’s my job to read every word that appears on our site and make sure everything is in its right place—that all the commas and semicolons are where they need to be, names and places are spelled correctly, and “fuccboi” is written in the proper style. Over the course of the day, some sentences from our stories catch my eye, usually because they’re good or funny or odd or compelling in some way. Often they’re about sex. Here they are now, presented with zero context, for the week of April 24. To find out why they exist or how they were used, simply click the link for the full story.

– Go to hell, Martha Stewart!

– But the worst part was that we got no sleep all night because a bear was getting fucked next to a statue outside our window for HOURS.

– The uniformed soldier getting sucked off.

– Phones don’t pop popcorn.

– I can’t drive any more.

– The man you’re looking for has never had a girlfriend.

– I thought it would be easier.

– Once it became clear that Waynesboro, Virginia, was dealing with a serial kitty shaver, the cats’ owners started to take matters into their own hands.

– I would say that I am a composite of the two but not as pretty as either of them.

– People are so into labeling right now.

– His autopsy report showed it was the only non-drug substance in his stomach.

– And if they got a job, it was something like opening letter bombs.

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