VICELAND RAP – BACK AGAIN

For this installment of Viceland Rap, we got with our Bronx bomber hip hop correspondent and player hater extraordinaire, Macho. (That’s Rick Ross over there. Watch for a feature with him in our June issue, and a little nugget of sneak info right here in this very column.)

What’s this shit I’m hearing about Gnarls Barkley winning some world record or some shit? Can I please say this? You cannot be a goon and like those dudes. That shit don’t mix. Now I know they’re gonna sell a ton of records, but their stuff’s like soccer mom hip hop. Like Gorillaz part 2 or some shit. Dangermouse’s beats sound like Moby and Cee-Lo comes off like Sylvester. And I got love for Cee-Lo too, that’s my dude. He used to floss his shotgun collection in magazines, yo. Dude’s got the Desert Eagle right on top of the fireplace, I swear. So can someone please tell me why he’s dressing like this ? I mean, this is unacceptable. Now don’t even try to give me the “you don’t get it, Macho.” This is not next level, it’s not tongue-in-cheek, it’s not — what’s the word? — postmodern. It’s just wack. Not dope. Whenever in doubt, ask yourself, “What would Jim Jones think of this?” See? My point exactly. Next.

Oh yeah, we caught up with Rick Rizzle the Rich Nizzle this week, and just so you know, there’s a “Hustling Remix” with Jay and Jeezy on it. And Jay talks a little sideways somethin’ somethin’ about your boy Cam. Speaking of Killa, this track’s been out for a while, but “Suck It Or Not” is terrible. Even Lil Wayne — the dude we taught you to like — can’t really come off with a good verse. Dipset, what’s really good here?

I’m sure you’ve heard the Clipse and Pharrell-can’t-skate’s “Me Too” already, so I ain’t gonna stress it too much. Good record. The beat is fire, Pusha and Malice sound like each other all over again, but ice cream boy’s verse ain’t coming off. “Just last week I was out in Aspen/ Me and Puff hoppin’ out the plane, both us laughin’.” You just don’t say stuff like that.

Seems like we got to go down south for some hardbody shit once again. Lil Scrappy’s “You Ain’t Know” is pretty cool, despite the played out Lil Jon keyboards. Say it with me: “Yeeain Know.” Homie says, “I was born as a militant midget.” That’s the new slogan right there. But actually, this week’s elbow-throwing (yep, I’m bringing back throwin’ ‘bows, how do you like that?) anthem comes courtesy of Yung Sean with “Got My Trap Boomin.” I hope you can say the Atlanta “heeeeeeey” by now.

MACHO