We Asked People to Describe the Drunkest They Ever Got in Six Words

If you’ve ever woken up from a night of drinking with a dry mouth, a pounding headache, and no clue where you’ve been and who you’ve texted, we feel your pain. We asked friends and co-workers to recall the drunkest they’ve ever been in six words. Here’s what they said:

“I sexted my dad by accident.” – Paul, 32

“Awoke naked. Never drank Port again.” – Peter, 22

“Lit Bible on fire on Christmas.” – Alex, 26

“Barfed in backpack, got through security.” – Lauren, 25

“Bought my dad a lap dance.” – Drew, 21

“Friend inside Osaka brothel. Gutter nap.” – Mike, 31

“Tried to fight a fire hydrant.” – Andy, 31

“Left half hoagie between couch cushions.” – Jonathan, 44

“Threw my phone in a puddle.” – Jesse, 28

“Peed on a cop’s car. Cried.” – Joey, 34

“Threw a pizza at a car.” – Emily, 24

“Projectile shat onto random girl’s rug.” – Luis, 30

“Tequila rebound sex. Screamed ex’s name.” – Lauren, 25

“Friend cut my hair off drunk.” – Adrian, 32

“Considered emergency room for the hangover.” – Ray, 31

“Peed and puked simultaneously on lawn.” – Ariel, 27

“Fell off bunk bed naked, farted.” – Alex, 38

“Projectile vomit. Slept outside Ohio motel.” – Nick, 39

“Slept in a functioning refrigerator. Hours.” – Steve, 29

“Played Batman Forever soundtrack on repeat.” – Jaime, 32

“Pissed in a shoe closet. Twice.” – Bim, 35

“Puked on my phone, breaking it.” – Laura, 34

“Married someone I had just met.” – Samantha, 26

“Licked girl’s leg on dance floor.” – Marco, 38

“Friends photographed me puking into bathtub.” – Deena, 34

“Poop turned horrifying shade of green.” – Teri, 32

“Slow danced to Metallica with cat.” – Julie, 39

“Yakked off a balcony, killed plants.” – Mike, 36

“Melted a fingernail stubbing out cigarette.” – Ann, 58

“Spilled candle wax on my laptop.” – Sonal, 34

“Fucked a popular Jackass cast member.” – Jen, 32

“Fell through a glass coffee table.” – Jack, 29

“Shaved off my eyebrows. It sucked.” – Leslie, 32

“Crashed golf cart. Broke my arm.” – Todd, 25

“Barfed into curtain while dancing onstage.” – Liz, 32

“Called ex. Sobbed about dying alone.” – Pete, 38

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