Every country has its own music scene that comes with its own particularities—Denmark included. After all, our small but proud little nation has a robust and growing music industry with quite a few notable International exports to boot as of late. However, just like cute little kids pick up on certain characteristics and turn into brats as they grow up, so do music scenes. Denmark is no exception to that rule: now that we’ve built a name for ourselves, certain “quirks” exist in the music scene that everyone kind of knows about but generally forgets. However, Copenhagen-based illustrator Jakob Tolstrup has made remembering fun: he’s drawn up a couple parodies of issues that run amok in the Danish music industry. Enjoy—and please, for the love of God, don’t ever buy a bottle of water with Christopher’s face all over it.

Hey, journalists: we have eyes and can see that Baby in Vain and MØ and Emma Acs are all females. We don’t need you to refer to female musicians as ‘the ladies’ or ‘the vixens’ or whatever. On that note, you should probably stop pigeonholing them into either the ‘Big, Loud Feminist’ camp or the ‘Pretty and Marketable’ camp. It’s 2015; maybe it’s time to stop discrediting female musicians by emphasizing their gender over their music?
Videos by VICE

Do you ever get the feeling that the stuff kids these days call ‘popular music’ is kind of a sham? Call us crazy, but it seems like the stuff radio stations are validating as ‘popular music’ should really be called ‘dude making passable beat + throwing some random and commercially-viable lyrics on top’. Might have something to do with botched attempts at writing in English, but still—musicians, please up your lyrics game!

Have you seen that Aqua d’Or is now selling custom Christopher-themed bottles of water? Looks like we’ve reached peak levels of Danish musicians “collaborating” with sponsors: you can now buy a crappy plastic container of water AND have Christopher’s sultry gaze peer deep into your soul. We rest our case.

If you still watch award shows, hats off to you. You must be a person much more patient than the rest of us—who, quite frankly, are really tired of seeing musicians get on stage and go on rants that might as well start with ‘I don’t want to brag, but…’. We blame Kanye for being the first mover on this one.

Okay, so we get that to be in the rap game you have to be all badass and send people death threats and stuff, but c’mon. If you’re from Denmark, you have not lived the hard life compared to the rappers you idolize coming out of Compton or Atlanta. At some point, rapping faux-hard lines like ‘din bitch har mig i munden imens hun sluger mine børn’ starts to lose its cred when you grew up in a regular middle-class family under a government which will literally PAY YOU to go to University.