Have you ever dated someone who gave you juuuuuust enough to keep you hooked, yet not nearly enough to justify an actual relationship? We’ve all been there. At least, many of us unlucky ones have.

However, there’s apparently a term for this dating trend: cookie-jarring. Yes, it’s a thing—but it’s not nearly as sweet and satisfying as it sounds.

What Is Cookie-Jarring?

Heard of the term “pocketing?” Well, cookie-jarring is basically the same concept. It occurs when someone “saves” another person for a later date, treating you as a second, third, or fourth choice in the dating scene. Basically, that person just becomes another cookie in the jar.

You do not want to be that cookie. 

Usually, when someone is cookie-jarring you, they’re actively prioritizing another person at the same time. Still, they do enough to keep you around. They might check in frequently, schedule occasional dates, flirt with you, and even hook up with you. However, these cookie-jarring daters rarely have the intention to commit to their cookies.

Signs Someone Is Cookie-Jarring You

Unfortunately, cookie-jarring is usually hard to spot, especially in the early stages of a relationship. However, there are some signs to look out for.

1. They’re Inconsistent

Be on the lookout for inconsistency, as it’s a sneaky sign someone is keeping you around for their own selfish needs. 

Do the person’s actions match their words, or do they talk a big game with zero follow-through? Do they promise to call, and then you never hear from them? These inconsistent behaviors can have a sort of addictive effect, as the occasional validation gives you that much-needed hit. However, you’re then left depleted when they drop the ball next time around. The emotional rollercoaster and lack of reliability is a clear indication that someone might be cookie-jarring you.

2. Communication Is Sparse

We’ve all dated someone who is super attentive one day, then suddenly drops off the face of the Earth for days on end, only to reappear when it’s convenient for them. This alone should be a hard stop.

Sparse communication shows that the other person is not prioritizing you and your connection. Instead, they’re likely entertaining multiple people or viewing you as one of many options. You deserve consistent, engaging communication with the person you’re dating. Don’t let yourself become another stale cookie in an overcrowded jar.

3. They Tend To Be Vague

Ambiguity is another sign someone might be cookie-jarring you. While you don’t have to lock a relationship down within the first few weeks or even months of dating, you should have a clear idea of what the person wants with you.

For example, if you’ve asked about exclusivity or commitment and they respond with, “Let’s just see where this goes” for months on end, don’t waste your time. This tells you they’re keeping their options open and don’t want to close the door to other potential partners or hookups. You don’t need that behavior in your life.  

4. They Keep You a Secret

No one likes to be someone else’s “secret” when dating them. However, this is often the case in many dynamics. The person doesn’t want to post you on social media or introduce you to their family or friends. Maybe they go as far as to avoid being in public with you. Unless it’s early on in dating, these are major red flags. Your partner should want to show you off and include you in their personal life. Hiding you from others means they’re hiding something from you.