Ah, the humble boat party. A thing of pure elegance and refined beauty. Bobbing about in the sea, pressed against a intimately sweaty, sweatily intimate crowd, listening to DJs who usually play gigs 20 times the size run through some of the finest party tunes whatever ocean you’re on at the time has ever heard. I’ve managed to go to a few fine ones over the summer months, but none was more finer than the Feelings boat party featuring Mood II Swing at the latest and greatest Dimensions Festival.
When it came to ensuring that the floating punters had the time of their life, everyone involved in the party ran a very tight ship. Sorry. Honestly. I’m really sorry.
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But not as sorry as you’ll be if you don’t take the following guide to getting the most you can out of drinking cocktails on a boat on the blazing sun while standing close enough to a world class DJ that their Piz Buin drips all over as seriously as you should. Here’s how to do nautical naughtiness properly.
1. Make Sure You’re on a Boat with Great Music
All the fantastic following photos are by by Leave No Trace.
Ahoy there! It be Mood II Swing, playing some of the finest cuts of smooth house grooves over a thumping system. It’s always important to remember that although for some reason getting mashed on a boat is always more fun than doing the same thing on land, the real reason you’ve stepped aboard is to listen to the music. And, happily, boat parties always seem to bring out the best in DJs. Maybe it’s the intimacy of it all, or maybe it’s just that the salt in the air’s leading to acute seasickness and they’ve gone all weird and superhuman as a result. Either way, you’ll rarely see a bed set on a boat. So, before you chug down that seventh can of Mythos in the space of an hour, don’t forget to the listen to the music.
2. Join in…with Everything
Yes, it’s true, I did say in the last paragraph that it is important to focus on the music of any given boat party. But did I also mention that music is a great thing to dance and generally act like a wacky dickhead to? Well if I didn’t I’m sorry, because music, especially dance music, is a really great thing to dance and generally act like a wacky dickhead to. On boat parties you’ll get more than your fair share of opportunities to do this because for some reason all the punters go absolutely mental the minute they set sail. Here I am, doing one of many terrible limbo attempts, which as everyone knows is the pinnacle of wackiness available to humanity. Also please take note, it’s very important to wear a jaunty hat. Mine said ‘CROATIA’ on the front with a tag at the back that I left on that says ‘I LOVE CROATIA’ because A) leaving tags on hats is cool apparently and B) I LOVE CROATIA.
3. Don’t Forget to Drink
4. Tell the DJs How Great they Are
5. Try and Talk to Members of the Opposite Sex
6. Make Some New Friends
7. Have a Laugh!
8. Finish off by Doing a Big Group Shot Where You All Go ‘Wahey!’ with All the Mates You Just Made so You Can Remember What a Great Time You Had
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