What Your Love Language Says About Your Needs in Relationships

Have you heard of the five love languages? If not, you might want to familiarize yourself with them, as they can be the key to a successful relationship.

The five love languages include the following:

1. Words of affirmation. This basically means you feel most loved and appreciated when your partner uses their words to express their love for you. You might enjoy hearing statements like “I’m so proud of you” or “I love how kind and patient you are.”
2. Acts of service. This love language involves your partner showing their love through actions, such as helping you with the dishes or cooking dinner for you. 
3. Physical touch. Many people feel most loved and reassured through physical touch. Contrary to popular belief, this love language is not all about sex. Rather, it involves intimate, small touches like holding hands while at the movies, cuddling up on the couch, or placing your hand on your partner’s leg (or vice versa) while driving.
4. Quality time. Oftentimes, the moments we spend with our partners aren’t quality time. People who have this love language need more one-on-one time to connect, sans distractions. 
5. Receiving gifts. If gift-receiving is your love language, you might feel most loved when your partner surprises you with something they think you’d like or that reminds them of you. This isn’t necessarily about expensive, luxurious presents, but rather small tokens of appreciation that show your partner truly knows you and is thinking about you when you’re apart.

Which of the 5 Love Languages is Right for You?

After writing this, I’m beginning to realize my love language is, well, all of the above.

Seriously, you might read those five points and think, “But I want all of those!” To which, I’d say, “Duh.” Each of the love languages plays an integral role in relationships.

But typically, we gravitate toward one or two of the love languages. And if you’re feeling unfulfilled in your relationship, perhaps consider where your and your partner’s languages are misaligned. 

For example, let’s say you prefer quality time over receiving gifts. Then, imagine that your partner shows up late to a date after you haven’t seen them for a while. Yet, they’re armed with flowers and your favorite candy. 

They might expect you to be over the moon at this grand gesture, but really, you would have much rather they arrived on time so you have more quality time together. To you, the flowers and candy don’t measure up to the moments spent connecting with each other.

In this case, you might be let down, while your partner is confused about why you’re upset, assuming the gifts would have made you feel loved.

A simple conversation about what you both value most—and how you can better show up/express love for each other—can solve this disconnect.

When you begin showing up for each other in the ways you both prefer, you’ll likely both find more love, reassurance, and fulfillment.