Anal sex is one of the most highly searched sex terms on Google, yet even in 2026, social stigma makes it seem like no one’s doing it. With stigma comes a lack of education, which leaves people with real fears like tearing, a messy moment, or an emergency room visit. But did you know that there’s good pain and bad pain when it comes to anal play? 

Preparation is the key. And anal training is essential for any pleasure back there. Here’s what you need to know to explore anal safely, while also learning about what feels good for your own body.

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What is anal training?

Anal training is the slow, intimate process of stretching your anus to enjoy anal play comfortably. If your goal is anal sex without tearing, or your first prostate orgasm, anal training can help.

The process involves using anything from fingers to butt plugs and anal training kits with progressively larger plugs to help you open up gradually. Even better is that anal training counts as foreplay, since it’s getting your body ready for more, so the process can feel good as you explore. The goal here isn’t to reach some specific maximum size. Think of anal training as practice for anal play. Your body may never take to an orifice back there, or it may love it. I repeat, the goal is exploration. 

How to clean or douche before anal

You don’t have to douche before anal play, but a lot of people prefer to for peace of mind. If you do, keep it simple and gentle.

A plain water enema bulb or the douche that comes with most training kits is the safer choice. Skip shower hose attachments, which have irregular edges that can scrape and injure rectal tissue. Use lukewarm water, no soap or scented products, and don’t overdo it! One gentle rinse is enough.

A 2021 study in BMC Public Health looked at rectal douching among men who have sex with men and found that using a shower hose specifically (rather than a purpose-made douche) was linked to a higher risk of HIV infection, likely because the hose’s edges can damage the rectal lining. Frequent or aggressive douching in general was also linked to higher risk. Regardless of gender, the takeaway isn’t “never douche.” You want to use the right tool, gently, and not obsessively. A bulb-style anal douche, like the one included in the b-Vibe kit above, is built for this and is the safer option over a household shower attachment.

If you’d rather skip douching altogether, that’s fine too. A bowel movement an hour or two before sex, plus staying hydrated and eating fiber regularly, does a lot of the same work naturally.

Best lubes for anal sex

Your butt doesn’t get wet on its own, so it needs the help of lube. Water-based lubricants are safe with all condom types, including non-latex condoms, and with silicone sex toys like silicone butt plugs. Silicone-based lubricants, though, are best for anal play because they’re thicker and last much longer. That thickness gives you a better slip back there, so penetration feels better and is less likely to cause tearing. Silicone lube can be used with any condom type, too, as long as your toy isn’t also silicone (silicone-on-silicone can degrade the toy over time).

By far, the go-to lubricant for anal play is Überlube’s silicone-based lubricant.

Überlube’s silicone-based lube is a favorite across every niche community for good reason. It’s silky smooth, which gives a good slip for each stroke and feels great sensory-wise. A little goes a long way, and it includes vitamin E, which is a nice touch for anyone dealing with dryness, including managing cancer treatment-related side effects.

If you’re dabbling in something rougher, try pjur’s Back Door Silicone Lubricant or LubeLife’s 3X Anal Lube.

It’s exactly what it sounds like: a thick lube that gives you as much slip back there as possible. This helps avoid tearing and minimizes discomfort.

Body-safe toy materials, and why a flared base matters

Not every material or shape that looks like a butt plug belongs in your body. Two things matter most.

Look for 100% silicone (not silicone blends), stainless steel, or glass, which are non-porous and easy to clean. Skip jelly rubber, PVC, and other porous “rubbery plastic” materials, which can harbor bacteria. Any toy for anal use needs a flared base, the wide end that stays outside your body. Otherwise, you run the risk of it slipping all the way in and getting stuck.

According to Planned Parenthood’s sex toy guidance, body-safe, non-porous materials, like 100% silicone, hard plastic, stainless steel, aluminum, and break-resistant glass, don’t absorb bacteria and are easier to sanitize between uses. Porous materials like silicone blends, jelly rubber, PVC, vinyl, TPR, TPE, and other rubbery plastics can hold bacteria that lead to infections, even though a condom over the toy can reduce that risk.

The flared base matters specifically for anything going in your anus, unlike the vagina, which is blocked by the cervix, there’s nothing stopping a toy without a flared base from sliding all the way in. This is also why household items are a WILDLY BAD IDEA for anal play. Without a flared base, you may need a doctor to remove it. You’re better off with a purpose-made toy and skipping the awkward emergency room visit (and exuberant cost) altogether.

What makes a good anal training kit?

Anal training kits come with a few must-haves. To start, look for about 3 to 5 butt plugs that increase in size to help you get acquainted with fuller penetration. Every plug should have that flared base described above.

Best anal training kits for beginners

According to countless online reviews, the best anal training toy for beginners is b-Vibe’s Rechargeable Anal Training and Education Butt Plug Set. It’s a 5-piece set with everything from an anal douche (to rinse before play) to a range of butt plug sizes, including three plugs total, plus the douche, a lubricant applicator, and a thorough guide to anal sex so you’re not scouring the web for answers in the bedroom, in the moment.

The included guide is arguably the most valuable part, because you get real education as you start. Worrying about a mess during sex is stressful enough on its own, but having everything on hand to avoid mishaps takes a lot of that pressure off.

It is pricier than other kits (about $20 more at minimum), but other brands are mostly just varying-sized butt plugs, while b-Vibe tapped industry experts to build out the full kit.

If you want something more affordable, Adam & Eve’s Booty Boot Camp has 3 plug sizes. It only includes the plugs in gradual sizing, without the extras that come with the b-Vibe kit.

Or, you can try a more affordable color-coded option like Nsnovelties’ rainbow training kit, which has three different-sized plugs to graduate through. Lubricant and an anal douche aren’t included, so you’ll need to buy those separately.

Step-by-step guide to anal training

You’re as prepared as you can be. Time to start training through three straightforward, yet honest and careful steps.

Step one: start smaller than you think

Think you can handle the medium-sized plug before trying the smallest size? That’s a recipe for disaster. Begin with a smaller size than you think you need to avoid tearing. Keep in mind that there’s only so much protection lube can provide. You can always go up in size. It’s harder to get back into it if you tear from biting off more than you can chew.

Step two: move at your own pace

Never rush, especially if you’re exploring with a partner. Take your time. Your body can be trained, but if you push too fast, you will tear.

Step three: listen to your body

Are you feeling pressure or pain? Pressure can feel like fullness back there, which is normal. Pain, on the other hand, can mean tearing or bleeding. If you notice any pain, it’s time to take a break immediately.

Is anal training supposed to hurt?

Anal sex is not supposed to hurt. Unlike a vagina, an anus doesn’t get wet on its own. Spit and wetness from other areas can help a little, but it won’t feel as lubricated as a vagina or mouth would. This is why keeping lube on hand is non-negotiable.

You may feel fuller back there and feel yourself stretching. That’s pressure, and it’s normal. Tearing, sharp pain, or a sharp cry out are a no-go and a clear sign of pain. Pain is literally your body telling you something is wrong. Skipping anal training and going straight to penetration can cause small tears at the entry, and potentially inside, the anus. Rushing the process can hurt badly enough that it’s uncomfortable to have a bowel movement until the tears heal fully. Don’t rush it. You won’t enjoy it if you do.

Pain is also a sign to size down. If a partner’s penetration is causing pain, pause, and next time, choose a smaller toy or take more time with training first. If you have a training kit, this is the moment to drop down to the size below the one that hurt.

Why to skip numbing creams

Numbing creams cover up the pain signal that tells you to slow down or stop, which makes it easier to push through actual tissue damage without realizing it… and regretting it later. Topical anesthetics like lidocaine also carry their own risks when overused or applied to broken skin. Skip them, and rely on time, lube, and smaller sizes instead.

Some people reach for numbing creams to get through the stretching discomfort, but that’s not the move. It’s really a risky quick-fix. Pain during anal training is an important cue that tells you something isn’t right, whether that’s going too fast, using too little lube, or needing a smaller size. Numbing that cue doesn’t remove the risk, it just hides it, which can let tearing happen without you noticing in the moment. If pain is the problem, the fix is slowing down, adding more lube, or sizing down, not just numbing the area.

Condoms and STI risk

Anal sex carries a higher STI transmission risk than many other sex acts, according to the NHS, because the lining of the anus is thin and tears easily, which makes infection more likely. Condoms lower that risk significantly. Use a water-based or silicone-based lube with latex condoms, since oil-based lube can cause them to break.

The NHS notes that the anus’s lining “is thin and can easily be damaged, which makes it more vulnerable to infection,” and lists chlamydia, HIV, gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, genital warts, and hepatitis C as all transmissible through anal sex. Condoms meaningfully reduce that risk. The FDA authorized the first condom specifically labeled for anal intercourse in 2022 (the One Male Condom), after trials showed a 0.68% failure rate (slippage or breakage) during anal sex, well under the FDA’s 5% threshold. That certainly doesn’t mean other condoms are unsafe for anal use, but it’s a helpful data point on how effective correctly-used condoms are.

Anal with a partner vs. solo

Both work, and neither is more “legitimate.” Many people do some solo training first, then bring a partner in once they’re more comfortable.

Solo training means you’re in full control of speed, size, and pressure, which makes it easier to actually listen to your body without also managing a partner’s expectations. It’s a low-pressure way to learn what pressure and stretching feel like for you before anyone else is involved.

With a partner, communication becomes the most important tool you have. Say what feels good, when to slow down, and agree on a way to signal “stop” that doesn’t require explaining yourself mid-moment. Judgement-free here. If you’re using a toy solo and want to bring a partner in later, the same toy, sizing, and lube rules apply, just with an extra person’s pace to account for.

Best positions for beginners

Positions that let you control the angle and depth tend to work best when you’re starting out. Try being on top, so you can set the pace yourself, doggy style with a pillow under your hips for a gentler angle, or side-lying, which takes pressure off and is easy to adjust.

• Receiver on top: You control the depth, angle, and speed, which is ideal while you’re still learning what feels good.
• Doggy style with a pillow: A pillow under your hips softens the angle and makes it easier to relax.
• Side-lying (spooning): Low-pressure and easy to pause or adjust without much movement.
• Missionary with hips slightly raised: Comfortable if you want to face your partner, though it offers less control than the positions above.

Whatever position you choose, go slowly and keep lube within reach.

How long anal training takes

There’s no set timeline with anal training. Some people feel ready to move up in size within a few sessions, while others take weeks or months… and that’s completely normal! Progress isn’t linear, some days will feel easier than others. Go by how your body feels each time, not by a schedule.

Resist the urge to compare your timeline to anyone else’s, including even past experiences of your own. Hydration, how relaxed you are, and how recently you’ve gone to the bathroom can all affect a session, so don’t if there’s a day where it just “doesn’t work,” don’t view that as a setback. The goal is comfort and consent with your own body. There’s no deadline.

Is bleeding normal?

Bleeding during anal sex is never something to ignore, though it isn’t always a medical emergency. A small amount of bright red blood can result from minor tears or friction and often resolves on its own with rest, but it may still signal that the tissue has been injured. 

Heavy bleeding, persistent bleeding, severe pain, dizziness, or bleeding accompanied by swelling or fever warrants immediate medical attention. Even mild bleeding that recurs or doesn’t stop should be evaluated by a healthcare provider to rule out fissures, hemorrhoids, infections, or more serious injuries. 

When in doubt, talk with your physician or head to urgent care.

The most embarrassing questions about anal training, answered

What is “painting”?

“Painting” is a queer term referring to human waste residue ending up on the penetrating partner. Because penetration happens in the anus, it can happen. This is part of why people use enemas and douches before sex.

Can I use spit instead of lube?

Yes, but with caution. Spit won’t prevent tearing or provide much slip, since the anus doesn’t lubricate itself. Lubricant is the safer, more comfortable bet.

Is bleeding normal?

A small amount of bright red blood can happen from minor friction and often resolves with rest. Heavy or persistent bleeding, severe pain, or bleeding with fever or dizziness needs medical attention. See the full section above.

How do I clean or douche before anal?

A plain water bulb douche is safer than a shower hose attachment, which can scrape the rectal lining. Keep it gentle, use lukewarm water, and skip soap or scented products.

What toy materials are safe for anal play?

Stick to 100% silicone, stainless steel, or glass, and make sure any toy has a flared base so it can’t slip in and get stuck.

Should I use a numbing cream?

No! Numbing cream hides the pain signal that tells you to slow down, which makes it easier to tear without realizing it. Slow down and use more lube instead.

Is anal sex with a partner different from training solo?

Not in the basics, communication just becomes essential. Solo training helps you learn your own pace before adding a partner’s expectations into the mix.

How long does anal training take?

There’s absolutely no fixed timeline here. Some people progress in a few sessions, others take months. Go by how your specific body feels.

Start Your Anal Training Journey

Anal sex can feel intimidating, but that doesn’t mean you should ignore your desires. From anal training kits to lubricants, there’s an entire world of products and education out there to help you enjoy anal play safely. It’s not a race, and rushing anal training can have real, painful consequences. 

Just lean into what feels good, and never ignore your body’s cues.