This article originally appeared on VICE Canada.
When Alicia* met a self-employed arborist at work, he gave her his business card and told her to call him if she wanted to plant a really big tree. It turned out that the "tree" in question was 9 inches long, and that the 35-year-old American really enjoyed planting it. “I've always been a big fan of oral and deep-throating, and doing that with someone so long was fun,” she recalls. “Being able to use two hands and my mouth was fun, exhilarating, and challenging. I could feel inches of him pushing down my throat and then sliding back out. It was a huge turn on, and got me really excited to have sex.”
This was a pivotal moment for Alicia. After having sex with her first well-endowed hook-up, she realized that she wanted to experience it again and again. She became what’s known as a size queen—someone who has a sexual preference for larger-than-average dicks. This preference can involve oral, vaginal, and anal sex; both men and women might describe themselves as size queens. The general erection consensus among the size queens I spoke to is that a 7-inch length and 5.5-inch girth qualifies as large, which places their size preference about two inches longer and one inch girthier than the average penis.
As a man who sports a 10.5 x 7.8-inch penis, Matt is very familiar with all of the above. He first discovered that he was larger than his classmates in the high school gym showers. Shortly after, rumors began to spread and he was given the nickname “Donkey.” On the one hand, Matt feels like he was treated as a plaything—one of his first sexual experiences involved a group of girls asking him to show them his cock in exchange for seeing them in their bras—but at the same time, as a nerdy awkward guy, he thinks that his size helped him explore his adolescent sexuality. “It was definitely a colossal advantage to have all the rumors flying about,” the 35-year-old Brit tells me. “I'm sure there are some girls who would never have thought of me in a sexual way at all, but ended up at least being curious after I was nicknamed.”
It makes sense that burgeoning teenage sexual awareness coupled with small-town word-of-mouth gave way to interest in Matt’s dick, yet curiosity doesn’t necessarily equate to sexual desire. Alicia’s size queen discovery emerged out of an entirely unplanned meet, and the same can be said for others. 43-year-old Hanna* came across her first big dick after banging a guy she met at a College Republican’s party; one of 19-year-old Bella’s* first high school hook-ups happened to be hung; 21-year-old Theresa* simply dated a well-endowed man and then found it difficult to return to average-sized men when they broke up.
There’s a variety of reasons why big dicks appeal to size queens, including the potential for deep-throating, the feeling of being stretched, and the visual penis aesthetics. “I like seeing the size of the dick compared to my body and grabbing it, seeing how big it is in my hands,” Bella says, while Theresa equates a larger size with more manliness. Bella also describes how she has no gag reflex and that she enjoys being able to put that to use on a lengthy cock. Alicia had a similar revelation during that initial hook-up with the hung arborist. “Normally, with more average-sized dick, it would just push into the back of my throat. But with him, deep-throating felt like actual throat-fucking,” she remembers.
Alicia also gets pleasure from the sheer physicality of an above-average penis. “I like that they can achieve long hard strokes without fear of it falling out,” she says, before adding that she enjoys the sensation of her vagina being stretched. “With smaller guys, I've achieved this by adding fingers and toys, but larger guys just get this naturally or by changing angles.” She prefers sex to be more primal and spontaneous, which just doesn’t happen if she has to grab a sex toy mid-fuck. This feeling is shared by Hanna, who thrives on the challenge of being able to take a massive member. “It gives me a strange sense of pride. I love the feeling of being totally stretched out and the reminder the next day if I'm sore.”
While Hanna likes feeling sore the morning after, Alicia is immensely turned on by dick-related pain during the act itself. “I enjoy pain during sex, so I do really like that initial pain of a huge cock smashing my cervix,” Alicia explains. The first time she felt a dick hit her cervix, she was super turned on and already past the point where pain feels painful. “I normally orgasm fairly easily, but this was something else,” she recounts. “My legs were shaking, and after we were done my legs were weak for quite a while. So, intense orgasms were achieved, with seemingly much less effort on his part compared to what I've experienced with smaller partners.”
Not all size queens enjoy this pain—Theresa specifies that a cervix poke means that her partner is a little too large. This is all too familiar for Matt, who has often seen a nice run of dates turn sour when things get physical. “My last date was going well until the third date when we got to the unbuckling stage and as soon as it came out, she just stared at it in horror,” he says. “She couldn't get it over it being more than twice as big as anything she'd had before.” Matt tells me that his size will always come up regardless of who he’s with, and that this has led to mixed experiences in the dating scene—there’s those who are "dickmatized" and those who just ghost him.
In a world, that often equates cock size with virility, the implicit slogan "bigger means better" frequently materializes in men’s fragile egos. How many times have you received an unsolicited dick pic purporting to be a gift from the heavens, when down on Earth it looks more like the half-chewed frankfurter that your dog dragged in from next-door’s barbecue? This complicates Matt’s love life. If he tries to give an early subtle warning that he’s hung, it usually comes off as masculine bravado. But if he doesn’t prime a partner for what’s inside his underwear, it might deflate a pleasant date. Matt’s found that the best way to indicate his size is at the sending nudes stage, yet he’s equally conscious that nudes aren’t for everyone (and he doesn’t send unwanted dick pics).
Dating issues also present themselves for size queens. Alicia’s first hook-up may have smashed it with the brazen confidence of his pick-up line, but—ironically enough—not everyone with a big dick actually exudes big dick energy. Theresa and Alicia have tried using height, hand, and foot size to predict a bulge, but both of them report that this is ultimately an old wives’ tale. None of the size queens I spoke to would ever walk out on an average-sized lay—they all emphasized that it’s the quality of sex that matters and therefore, as a rule, they wouldn’t usually go on a second date with a smaller guy. Hanna feels that she’s been lucky in the number of well-endowed men she’s met, although she believes that this also boils down to her very active sex life. Alicia once met a man who flat-out lied about his size, but tells me this hasn’t happened since. Between them, the size queens use a mixture of IRL, apps (Tinder), and websites (Craigslist, Positive Singles, and Doublelist) to meet suitable partners.
None of the above apps or websites are specifically tailored toward big dicks. Yet there’s a fair few avenues for the better-endowed to meet potential size queens. Matt has also met partners out and about—including everywhere from a nudist beach to house parties and the set of a TV show—as well as on regular dating websites like OkCupid. He’s also had success on websites such as Large Penis Support Group (LPSG), 7OrBetter, and Size Minded, which were all designed with hung men in mind (LPSG also functions as a general forum for all large penis related matters).
Size Minded was founded in 2010 by a couple of well-endowed buddies who were frustrated by the silence around penis size on other dating sites. “We understood that penis size is not just a sexual preference or kink but can be a possible source of frustration and disappointment in relationships,” co-founder Chris explains. “If a penis is too large, it can cause pain or even physical injury to one or both partners. Conversely, a partner might not feel pleasured if a penis is too small.” To date, the site has 11,000 users, a size and gender verification system, and attracts a mixture of curious people, cuckolds, and bulls, and—of course—size queens.
When I ask Matt how he feels about size queens, he tells me that—as a man with a big dick—he’s extremely thankful for them. “I suppose the utopian situation is where everyone's open to all sizes, big or small, but people have their preferences, so I respect size queens for being open about them,” he explains. “I certainly wish more people would admit their desires. If a woman needs a huge cock to be satisfied, they shouldn't be ashamed to say it because they're afraid of how it makes them sound or how it makes some insecure men feel. Likewise, if I knew it'd be a total no-go with a woman once we got to third base purely because of my dimensions, it'd save a lot of time and energy. Ideally, we'd just be able to have an open conversation about size as a society.”
*Names have been changed to protect anonymity.
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This article originally appeared on VICE CA.