Hey Assholes: Stop Selling 'Avengers: Endgame' Tickets for $15,000

No normal person can afford to blow that kind of cash just to see a movie on opening night.

by River Donaghey
Apr 4 2019, 4:24pm

The sure-to-be-extremely goddamn depressing Avengers: Endgame will hit theaters in a few short weeks, and the thing is already gearing up to be a massive box office behemoth. Tickets for opening weekend finally went on sale this week, and demand was so huge that the movie broke a slew of presale records and wound up crashing multiple ticket-seller websites.

Unfortunately, it looks like the Marvel fans who didn't get in before AMC's website shit the bed will have to dig deep into their savings if they still want to make it to opening night—because scalpers are currently selling tickets for as much as, uh, $15,000?

Ebay is overflowing with ticket offers, ranging from the upper hundreds into the thousands, depending on the location. Want to go see Endgame in Seattle? That'll cost you $5,000. Looking for opening night tickets in New Jersey? Bidding starts at $5,999. Four tickets for a showing at the Alamo Drafthouse in Downtown Brooklyn are currently selling for the low, low price of $800. If you're in Reno, though, you're basically fucked—because tickets start at a whopping $15,000.

To be fair, very few of the ticket auctions actually have bids, so we'll have to wait and see if anyone actually decides that IMAX seats at Endgame are worth a few months' rent. But given how hard fans are tweaking to watch the remaining Avengers rally together and kick Thanos's ass, there are probably at least a few people out there checking their bank statements to see if they can afford a pair of tickets.

Selling a pair of movie tickets for thousands of dollars is fully unhinged and semi-evil, but who are the true monsters here? Is it the people trying to sell a couple of seats at a comic book movie for more than the cost of a gently used Isuzu Trooper? Or are real assholes the people who would actually pay those kinds of prices?

For the love of all that is holy, think about this for a second: You are not Tony Stark. No normal person can afford to blow that kind of cash just to see a movie on opening night. Avengers: Endgame will be saturating theaters for the majority of 2019. Just wait a few days and use all the money you saved to see the sad-ass thing six more times. Alright? Alright.

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