So I was going to post a SXSW Edition of this column this week—and there will be some of that—but considering the Fader Fort lost a day due to an electrical storm and there’s snow in the forecast on the East Coast when SPRING IS HERE, I’m not in the mood to be about that life. But rest assured, there are some GEMS this week. At least to me, and that’s the only person who matters, right? Anyway, enjoy.

What in the entire fuck is happening here? I mean, I know what’s HAPPENING here, but how is this allowed on Instagram when women have the slightest nip slip and lose their accounts? Explain yourselves, IG. Sidebar: this tiny dancing penis is no match for the #meatprint. #NeverForget

And here’s a drawing of Killer Mike dressed as a Ninja Turtle to lighten the mood of the last video of a penis and vagina dancing to “Work.”

YASSSSS QUEEN YASSSSSSS JOJO YASSSSS SLAYYYY YASSSSS.

Miley posted several videos of her doing yoga (this being one of them), and I attempted to mimic 15 seconds of it and I pulled out my back so now I’m in my bed eating trail mix. Whatever.

Major key over at “South By” when DJ Khaled brought out everyone and their mother for the show. They don’t want you to have special guest appearances, Khaled.

Here’s young French rocking what look to be Louis Vuitton Damier print pajama pants with a two-pager that’s the size of an airplane carry-on bag.

Posting because Freeway always looks adorable, especially when hanging out with Bun B at SXSW. Two legends in the building.

Oh “cheek-to-cheek,” because your butts are rubbed together, right? Got it. Is that sanitary though? This is like the equivalent to sitting on a public restroom’s toilet seat.

The internet taught me that Calvin Harris’ government name is Adam Wiles, so I can stop losing my shit thinking my favorite couple broke up because Swizzle was cheating with some random named “Adam.” Whew, crisis averted.

DAAAAAMMMMNNNNNNNN BERNARD! Back at it again with every Van in every color! SXSW got a treat when you walked those streets. Hey, that rhymed. Sign me to Rap-A-Lot though.

Well, this is hot.

Drake is so self aware, and it’s so beautiful. Like, he knows Rihanna perpetually friendzones him, and he’s so okay with admitting he’s like a prepubescent boy around her. I wish the rest of you lames had Drake’s self-awareness. Your Tinder lives would be so much more active.

Meanwhile, Rihanna is like BRB I’m slaying for Vogue.

These engagement photos are like a week old, and she’s still posting them. Ugh, I can tell already that Ciara is going to be like those annoying Facebook friends who have their wedding photo as their default pic like six years after they’ve been married. This is inevitable.

Biebs is zen now, guys. Just FYI. The infinity pool really drives the point home.

Kathy Iandoli was banned from SXSW two years ago, asked to speak there last year, and skipped this year because everything bores her now. Follow her on Twitter/Instagram @kath30000.