Lavender Marriages Are Rising in Popularity Again—Here’s Why

Unless you live under a rock, you’ve likely heard of the term “lavender marriage,” which basically involves one queer individual marrying another queer person or a heterosexual person of the opposite sex, strictly for the legal benefits and convenience.

Typically within these partnerships, both parties are aware of the terms and consent to the arrangement. For example, a gay man and a lesbian woman might choose to marry as a way to maintain a certain image. Some people do this to appear straight in an environment that otherwise condemns such behavior.

This was especially true when same-sex marriage was illegal. 

Lavender Marriages Are Helping People Deal With Rising Cost of Living

According to Edward Reese, gender and sexuality expert at Taimi, lavender marriages are making a comeback today.

“Despite progress, there are still many parts of the world where being openly queer is dangerous, even illegal,” Reese said. “In many states, a young person wouldn’t want to admit to their conservative parents they’re not straight. So, a lavender marriage might be a good way to prove to one—or both—individuals’ families and communities that they are ‘normal.’” 

Of course, this isn’t the only reason people are seeking lavender marriages.

“Many millennials and Gen-Zers can’t afford the costs of living on their own,” Reese said. “There are lots of jokes that the rise of polyamory is also the response to the economic crises. Under these circumstances, marriage can provide significant financial benefits, including tax breaks, shared living expenses, and legal protections.”

Take this TikToker, Robbie Scott, for example. He shared a video requesting female applicants for a lavender marriage so he could “afford to pay a mortgage, utilities, and taxes.”

@robbiesmoonmusic

serious inquiries only! #genz #lavendermarriage #queer #broke

♬ original sound – robbie scott

He listed the perks he’d bring to the table, including a good career, emotional support, and good cooking. On the other hand, he was also quite transparent about his “baggage,” like having $80,000 in student loan debt and needing extra personal space than most people.

“Whether someone lives in a country where same-sex marriage is not recognized or they’re just unwilling or unable to wait for their True Love to ensure a measure of financial stability, lavender marriage might be the only available way to reap some of the heterosexual economic benefits,” Reese explained.

And of course, for those who are merely sick of the dating scene and are just seeking emotional closeness, lavender marriages can be a great outlet.  

“Some individuals, regardless of their sexuality, might just seek stable companionship,” Reese said. “And it might be enough to be roommates with a best friend until they end up in a hospital and there are no living relatives—or they are estranged and would not necessarily be the ones to be trusted with vital decisions.”

Lavender marriages take these commitments one step further—but usually without romance or sexual intimacy. These arrangements can also benefit any aromantic or asexual individuals who might not want to pursue a marriage based on romantic or sexual closeness. In which case, this doesn’t make their marriage any less legitimate—and really, there doesn’t need to be some fancy name setting the marriage apart from “traditional” ones.

“For them, marriage can be about deep companionship, mutual support, and practical partnership rather than conventional romance,” Reese explained. “Queerplatonic relationships, which emphasize strong emotional bonds without romantic expectations, often align with the concept of a modern lavender marriage.”