As we reach the peak of summer, I can’t seem to get Lana Del Rey’s infamous lyrics out of my head: “Hot summer nights, mid-July…” This time of year brings excitement and nostalgia—and, apparently, a new dating trend. 

That’s right: “summer shading” is the most recent dating trend that’s affecting individuals as much as the scorching heat. According to Hily Dating App expert Julie Nguyen, summer shading essentially refers to putting your relationship on ice for the summer. In other words, some couples are cooling things off rather than heating things up. 

It’s not quite a breakup, but not quite a committed relationship, either. One person in a pair is just…pumping the brakes for some freedom under the sun. This opens the door to new possibilities—ones they wouldn’t otherwise explore if they were fully invested in the connection with their partner.

Because no one wants to be on the receiving end of summer shading, Nguyen shared with VICE the four clear signs that you’re being summer shaded.

1. Plans Get Canceled—or Never Made

We all know what it’s like to wait around for someone we like/love to make plans with us. It’s an awful feeling, really, when your effort isn’t reciprocated.

“Suddenly, every hangout suggestion is met with ‘I’m slammed,’ ‘My friends are in town,’ or (the classic) ‘I’m traveling soon,’” Nguyen explained. “It starts to feel like you’re just an afterthought—always benched in favor of sparklier summer plans.”

2. They’re Out and About—But Not With You

Watching the person you’re interested in express interest in, well, plenty of other potential partners can drive anyone up a wall. When you have an established connection with someone, you expect a certain level of loyalty. Unfortunately, however, summer shading chips away at the commitment you might’ve once shared with your partner.

A clear sign your person is summer shading you is that they’re seemingly too busy for you—and only you.

“Their social life is on fire! Parties, trips, new friends… just not with you,” Nguyen said. “​​They’re full of energy, running around town, and having a lot of fun. You hear about the fun adventures they’re going on, the vacations they’re [taking], and the people they’re seeing.” 

However, “When you reach out to hang out, they seem like they have time for everything besides you,” she explained. “You don’t feel chosen.”

3. Everything Feels Vague

Vagueness is oftentimes more painful than the cold, hard truth. Many people are unwilling to completely sever their ties to you, yet more than happy to create some ambiguity in case they want to explore other options. 

According to Nguyen, a summer-shader might use statements like, “Let’s see when I get back!” and “We’ll figure something out soon!”

“Suddenly, all plans and even conversations become open-ended and noncommittal, making it impossible to feel secure or know what’s actually happening,” she explained.

4. You’re Ghosted… But Not Quite. AKA Summer Shading.

Instead of being full-on blocked or ignored, you’re just…continuously strung along—breadcrumbed, so to speak.

“Replies are delayed, get shorter, or disappear altogether—except for the occasional ‘let’s catch up in a few weeks!’ message,” Nguyen said. “It’s just enough to keep you hoping, but not enough to feel connected. Welcome to emotional limbo.”

This is one of the most excruciating phases of summer shading, as you’re left holding out for someone who might not ever come back to you. 

If you find yourself stuck in this dynamic, call your energy back to yourself and be careful who you share it with. You deserve more than some half-assed effort when it’s convenient for the other person.