Imagine Dragons Need More Dragons

July 12, 2013, 3:06pm

The first time I felt old was a few weeks ago. I asked a fourteen-year-old family friend what music she’s into, brimming with confidence in my ability to relate—I love Miley, Taylor, and Selena, and after the piss-bucket incident I’m a Belieber for life. Turns out, though, that the music twenty-somethings assume teens listen to is actually the music twenty-somethings listen to when we want to feel like teens. Real teens in 2013 are on some other shit, a conclusion I drew from my new friend’s brief, apocryphal reply—”Imagine Dragons.” Uh, is that some kind of Lord Of The Rings fanfiction cover band? If only. Exhaustive research reveals that Imagine Dragons are the unholy result of lab experimentation deep beneath Vevo headquarters, where technicians have built a chart-slaying chimera from whiny Coldplay vocals, overblown Muse electronics and an ounce of Mumford pseudo-folk. Which is fine, except for one issue—no dragons. Seriously, miss me with your dragon-branded content if there’s not a single fang, flame or scaly belly to be found. No doubt today’s youth are OK with empty promises (Obama, lol) but I won’t go gentle into that good night. I will rage, rage against the dying of the light. I will imagine ten dragons that I prefer to the band Imagine Dragons.

Max B Dragons