So, Shaun and I decided to play Remnant 2 on Game Pass for about half an hour or so the other day. We’ve low-key been looking for a game to consistently play together, and though I’m not the best at shooters, I decided to give it a shot (haha). It’s important to get out of your comfort zone, after all!

For the uninitiated, Remnant 2 is a third-person shooter/action RPG. You’re dodging, you’re fighting difficult enemies, you’re having a good time. Something about the game makes me enjoy it immensely — even though I’m not the biggest fan of the Soulslike sub-genre. But, when you combine shooting with Soulslike elements, apparently, two things I don’t usually go for individually suddenly turn into the ideal experience! But, you aren’t here to hear about how good of a time I had. No. You want misery. And indeed, misery came in the form of a sudden puzzle.

We came across this seemingly innocent Tic-Tac-Toe puzzle. The pieces corresponded to a series of doors on the map — it’s a whole to-do I won’t explain fully. Anyway, Shaun being Shaun, he wanted to run through and wreck shit while I did the puzzle. Easy! I beat The Case of the Golden Idol without using a single hint! I’m pretty good at figuring things out in Escape Academy. I love puzzles of all shapes and sizes! So, I sat my happy ass down, expecting to breeze through!

i did not, in fact, breeze through this godforsaken ‘remnant 2’ puzzle

The first loss was quick. I laughed! “Oh, a tricky AI competitor, huh?” Good-natured fun! You even get one stack of the Curse status effect every time you lose, which lowers your maximum health. Did it again. Lost again. Shaun, at this point, is actively fighting monsters with his giant sword. I hear the battle music, but he’s chillin’. I’m chillin’. Everything’s fine.

I quickly discovered, however, that Curse only stacks up to five times. As I lost over. And over. And over. Every time I felt like I had the bastard dead to rights, he moved in the exact spot to ruin my day. Eventually, I hear “Oh, no,” which means that Shaun’s having a bad time. I’m locked in, though. It would take too long to get to him anyway. I can’t let Remnant 2 beat me. I can’t go out like this.

L after L after L. At a point, I lost in the exact same way five times in a row. Shaun perishes. Now, he’s spectating. I’m internally freaking out. Which, of course, means another loss! Another! Endless. Suffering. Mr. Lord of the Puzzles, effectively stuck. Cursed in a Sisyphean loop. Only rather than being given an impossible task I’m never going to achieve, this Hell is tailor-made for me in that I know I can do this, but my brain ain’t brainin’.

finally, the win. sanctuary. peace.

Finally, I see it. Two ways to victory. It happens. I win. I cackle like a madman who’s finally seen the light of day after being trapped underground for months. Remnant 2 was conquered on this day — and all it took was 90% of my pride and 50% of my dignity! Our reward was a cool bow, but that’s not important. What matters is that this goofy-ass shooter bested me out of nowhere. I could make all the excuses in the world. My mind was wiped after a long day of writing/scheming/editing. It was 7:00 PM, so I’m mentally not as sharp. But, ultimately, Gunfire Games had me out of sorts.

And I like that. If Remnant 2 wasn’t a surefire permanent staple for me and Shaun beforehand, it damn sure solidified itself after that puzzle. No, I’ll never tell y’all how long that puzzle ultimately took. That’s a secret only Shaun and I know!