We started a new column called Tidbits back in October of 1996 because the magazine was getting so negative that we needed to balance it out with “A Monthly Look at the Things We Love.” Of the 869 we’ve run since then, 144 have been actual things that we do truly love (like Gold Bond Medicated Powder and Adderall) and the remaining 725 have just been weirdo products with funny names that we end up making fun of, which kind of brings us back to the “too negative” conundrum—whoopth!
We’re not complaining, though. Running a column like this increases the fun factor of opening the mail by about 300 percent. Every time we get an envelope, it’s some mind-blowing item that you hold in your hand and think, “Could the manufacturers not have googled Butter Faces before spending $3 million marketing a cream that means ‘ugly women with good bodies’?” Are you and I the only people in the world that have a clue?
The majority of Tidbits we get are things we’ve never seen before, but for some reason there are five we get every month no matter what. They are: Barfy Burgers (or Barfy soap), Smack Ramen noodles, Cock Soup (or other cock products), Pussy Air Freshener, and anything made by the Mexican bread company Bimbo. This is the last time we are going to feature these guys ever because they are piling up around the office attracting mice and we have really bad allergies and the mouse droppings are making it almost impossible to breathe in here. All right? That’s enough.
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