5 Outdated Dating Rules You Can Completely Ignore

Dating is hard enough in today’s day and age, but if you scroll on social media for more than five minutes, you’ll probably hear a list of tips for finding love and things you’re doing wrong in your pursuits. The best part? They all contradict each other. Not to mention, most of them are outdated.

Are you following old-school dating rules that are no longer applicable today? Here are five outdated dating rules you need to drop.

1. Men must make the first move.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been taught that men should make the first move in dating. If you’re a woman interested in a man, you’re told to wait for them to ask you out; if you want to start a conversation with your crush, you should wait for them to text you. 

This outdated rule puts all the power in men’s hands. If you’re a woman who prefers being pursued, that’s completely valid. However, don’t hold yourself back from communicating your feelings or putting yourself out there just because of some old dating standard.

2. Wait a certain number of dates to have sex.

You can—and should—wait as long or as little as you’d like to have sex. It’s your body and your pleasure. If sleeping with someone early on or, on the flip side, choosing to wait until you’re comfortable is a turn-off to someone, that person clearly isn’t for you. 

However, keep in mind that sex can definitely cloud judgment, causing you to overlook red flags or incompatibilities. There is no right or wrong, but make sure you’re doing it because you want to and not as a way to force intimacy or seek commitment.  

3. Don’t date until you’re fully healed.

As someone who struggles with OCD and was single/dating around during my 20s, I am firmly against the notion that you must be “fully healed” to date. In fact, that piece of advice was one of the most frustrating statements I would hear when attempting to form connections and find love. Typically, the people offering the advice in the first place were those in long-term relationships and had certainly never been to therapy or attempted to “heal” themselves. 

While I agree that you shouldn’t use a relationship as a way to distract yourself from your problems, nor should you seek out codependent dynamics, you also don’t need to punish yourself by isolating for months or years on end. So long as you are actively working on yourself, taking accountability for your faults, and practicing self-awareness in the process, you should allow yourself to date (if you want to!). No one will ever be perfectly healed, and you do not need to “be” anything to be worthy of love.

4. Men must always pay for dates.

Another outdated dating rule is that men should pay for every date. While I do agree that if someone asks you on a date—especially a first date—they should be the one paying for it, no one should be expected to cover the tab every single time.

Today, most of us are struggling to make ends meet. Of course, every relationship is different, and it’s up to you and your partner to figure out what works best for you both. But the idea that men should financially handle everything feels a bit out of touch. 

5. Don’t seem too interested.

I’ve always hated this advice, as I feel it creates a game where no one wins. While you don’t want to act too overwhelming off the bat (e.g., triple-texting someone and asking why they’re not answering or pushing for commitment immediately after a first date), you shouldn’t have to hide your interest in someone. In fact, in my opinion, you should communicate it. Make it known so the other person isn’t left guessing, and hopefully, they’ll follow suit. This saves you a lot more time and energy.